Lit.Org - a community for readers and writers Advanced Search

Average Rating

(1 votes)

RatingRated by

You must login to vote

Writer's block has een kicking my ass of late. I've been totally bereft of creative energy and when I try to force it just a bit, I come up empty handed. ut today I've had a small breakthrough, but I'm left wondering if this one has enough promise to finish.. So I'm posting it here for some feedback..

So with further fanfare.

Rebel girl

Why must you cover your
that crooked smile
with magenta bangs
razor cut, like your
witty repartee
of profound prafanity.

Why do you blow
clove smoke in my face
and salute with one
chewed fingernail
in an impromptu
display of regard.

Why would you smother
your thoughts
between the covers
of that batttered notebook
crammed in your back pocket?

Don't you know my thoughts
are just as black?

That's all I gots at the moment... Is it worth continuing? Or should i move on to something else..

Suggestions, comments, I'm all ears.


Smile if you're stupid,
laugh if you understand.

Related Items


The following comments are for " Should I continue?"
by Bartleby

time capsule

Thanks for the kind and all to true critique, it's exactly what I was hoping for.

I had to laugh at the last part of your comment about the subject being unique. I realized that I'm showing my age, I was talking about someone I knew long ago, and in those days the type of girl I'm describing certainly was unique. And in calling it commonplace and expected you brought me back to the present. Thanks for the laugh, I'll see what I can do.


( Posted by: Bartleby [Member] On: January 22, 2004 )

A glass of milk with ginger powder helps the flow of creative juice within humans (this is a secret ).Do continue with this Poem I felt like someone stole my bag of chips after I had the first one and no one can stop at just one!
Great start ,do finish the poem Bartelby it looks promising.(psst what is rebel girls phone number?)

( Posted by: RightingIt [Member] On: January 22, 2004 )

Rebel girl, not rebel poem
Bartleby. You have the magic of taking moments in time and filling them with emotion and vivid images. Personally I loved it, in fact I think it is complete already, just needs a rehash. Any more would be pornographic, you've given enough details and left us with a great closer.
My only critique is that it is old hat, and not a new expression from you. I'd like to see moments in the present, or the future, or imagination unbridled. Keep going though. I miss hearing from you.

P.S. I've heard sleep is important for creativity. Make sure you're getting adequate doses. Also doses of caffine and nicotine seem to help....what a contradiction, eh? :D

( Posted by: malthis [Member] On: January 23, 2004 )

Kicking it..
First of all thanks to all who've taken the time to read, critique and encourage after my long descent into creative dormancy. I feel this piece could use some reworking and perhaps a different angle but at this time am left "not quite feeling it" so I'll leave it as is for now with intent to visit again.

As for Jess' little birdies. Yes it is true I have now kicked the habit. I won't say it has improved my mood, but it's getting better.


( Posted by: Bartleby [Member] On: January 23, 2004 )

a good start
Hi Bartley,
Anything is better than nothing when the
creative juices aren't flowing and this is much better than nothing. I'm not as familiar as others with your other works, but it's so far from pornographic to be almost a saintly portrayal of a rebel girl. Well at least to my base mind. Claire is right about the yours or that, I think. The second stanza is my favourite. You could definately take it to the heights and depths of desire and frustration.

( Posted by: smithy [Member] On: January 23, 2004 )

Add Your Comment

You Must be a member to post comments and ratings. If you are NOT already a member, signup now it only takes a few seconds!

All Fields are required

Commenting Guidelines:
  • All comments must be about the writing. Non-related comments will be deleted.
  • Flaming, derogatory or messages attacking other members well be deleted.
  • Adult/Sexual comments or messages will be deleted.
  • All subjects MUST be PG. No cursing in subjects.
  • All comments must follow the sites posting guidelines.
The purpose of commenting on Lit.Org is to help writers improve their writing. Please post constructive feedback to help the author improve their work.