Lit.Org - a community for readers and writers Advanced Search
 




Average Rating
6

(2 votes)


RatingRated by
2Unknown
10PETERPAULINO

You must login to vote

Wrapping my arms around your thin waist, I pull you into me. Your bare body intertwines with my own. You are a blonde on the days that I feel adventurous, because somehow blondes never cease to excite me. The nights that I feel scared, cold, dreadfully alone, you become my brunette. You calm me, whispering soothing words into my ear as you stroke my hair lovingly. I must ask you, though: Are you my black haired goddess? Have you been sent from the heavens to watch over me? Or are you are the red haired girl, the pigtailed young lady from next door? Are you my exotic taste of liquid sunshine?

As the mixture of our two bodies move rhythmically on the scuffed dancefloor, I close my eyes and wait for silence. Sensing the end is near, I fill my lungs with your essence, and try as I might to hold you inside of me, I can't help but let you go. Blinking, I make out through a soft haze that you are not blonde. Nor are you my brunette, though I still crave your warmth and reassurance. You cannot embrace me; the gods have taken you back. The sunshine is gone. The music has stopped.

In fact, you are nothing. A tall lamp with a shattered bulb, taken from the far corner of my 5th floor apartment. I am not complaining. As you stand there, cold and lifeless, I smile as the music starts anew. And I can smile, for never once have you called me ugly. Never once have you made me feel ashamed.



***







Author's Note: Sensing backlash, let me make it clear that I in no way endorse any sort of stereotypes, especially those based on hair color. Thank you, and have a cookie for reading.

------
"Imperious, choleric, irascible, extreme in everything, with a dissolute imagination the like of which has never been seen... there you have me in a nutshell, and kill me again or take me as I am, for I shall not change."

From his Last Will & Testament, Marquis de Sade


Related Items

Comments

The following comments are for "Fifth Floor Apartment"
by strangedaze

This was great...
I have no idea why somebody would choose to rate this a 2. I thought it was great. I felt your character's sadness...their expectation for love...I just found it so moving. I wanted your character to find the girl he dreamed of. Kudos. And whoever voted for this in the past, to hell with them!

( Posted by: Zachary Martin Glass [Member] On: February 28, 2004 )

ZMG
Thanks for the comment, I was wondering when someone was going to comment on this. As for the 2, it was back in the days of drive-by's, so I'm not taking it personally. Thanks again for dredging this one from the archives, and your feedback is always appreciated.

-SD

( Posted by: strangedaze [Member] On: February 28, 2004 )

Strangedaze
Aha! That's why she turned from blonde to brunette to redhaired and so on. I loved this short fiction. You don't disappoint with this one. This could also fall under the category 'humor'. :)

( Posted by: PETERPAULINO [Member] On: October 18, 2004 )

Peter...
...Thank you for your responses on both of the pieces of mine you reviewed. I'm glad that you enjoyed them, and I appreciate the time you've taken to take a look at some of my stuff. Wow - these ones bring me back. Bradley's Healing was one of the first stories I ever wrote and submitted here ;) Perhaps a pencil would have been in order. Once again, thanks!

-SD

( Posted by: strangedaze [Member] On: October 18, 2004 )

Strangedaze
But you are very diligent in writing, so I should thank you for sharing. As promised I printed one more to read in bed. I have one other favorite writer here, Smithy, I hope you'll read him too. I mostly enjoyed his Edendorn series.

So far this piece and the short story mentioning dandelions are my favorite.

( Posted by: peterpaulino [Member] On: October 18, 2004 )

Good work
I liked this story. it had a twist at the end and was well written.

( Posted by: DiverGirl [Member] On: October 4, 2005 )





Add Your Comment

You Must be a member to post comments and ratings. If you are NOT already a member, signup now it only takes a few seconds!

All Fields are required

Commenting Guidelines:
  • All comments must be about the writing. Non-related comments will be deleted.
  • Flaming, derogatory or messages attacking other members well be deleted.
  • Adult/Sexual comments or messages will be deleted.
  • All subjects MUST be PG. No cursing in subjects.
  • All comments must follow the sites posting guidelines.
The purpose of commenting on Lit.Org is to help writers improve their writing. Please post constructive feedback to help the author improve their work.


Username:
Password:
Subject:
Comment:





Login:
Password: