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So here i sit at the computer listening to Third Eye Open: A Sting Tribute to Tool, wishing they had used a bowed bass instead of a slap bass for the intro to Ænema, when suddenly i realize, it's January. And you know what that means? Of course not, because this is the first year i've done this, so i'll just tell you. Time for Grammy predictions! Since this is my first year doing this, i'm am going to go easy on myself and only do the major 4 awards of the night.

Maybe if i get more adventurous, i will do another article for the small awards. The awards i will discuss are Best New Artist, Record of the Year (meaning best performance), Song of the year (meaning best writing) and Album of the year. Last year, i was 0 for......0. Because i didn't do this last year. Let's get started on this year.

New Artist: Evanescence; 50 Cent; Fountains of Wayne; Heather Headley; Sean Paul.

Fountains of Wayne is still a on hit wonder at thi point, and i haven't heard of Heather. Sean Paul wasn't quite as successful as 50 cent and Evanescence, he's out. Evanescence was the biggest breakthrough band this year, with songs on every station imaginable. They would be on the radio with 50 cent and on another station with Korn. However, the Grammys love Eminem and 50 is his protegé.

Who i think should win: Evanescence

Who i think will win: 50 cent

Record of the Year: "Crazy in Love," Beyonce featuring Jay-Z; "Where Is the Love?" Black Eyed Peas and Justin Timberlake; "Clocks," Coldplay; "Lose Yourself," Eminem; "Hey Ya!," OutKast.

OK, wasn't Lose Yourself from last year? i mean, it won an Oscar last year, right? I didn't just imagine that? i mean, who could make up a story like that? So in my opinion that is out simply because the incubation period has long since past. Crazy in Love also seems unlikely, but then again, so did Norah Jones winning everything last year. Coldplay is liked by people who enjoy smart music as well as people who pretend they understand smart music, but Where Is the love? has that sentimental important message that awards shows are notorious for prasing blindly. But they again, who can deny the power of those two little words..."Hey Ya!."

Who i think should win: "Hey Ya!," OutKast

Who i think will win: "Hey Ya!," OutKast

Song of the Year: "Beautiful," Linda Perry (Christina Aguilera); "Dance With My Father," Richard Marx and Luther Vandross (Luther Vandross); "I'm With You," Avril Lavigne and The Matrix (Avril Lavigne); "Keep Me in Your Heart," Jorge Calderon and Warren Zevon (Warren Zevon); "Lose Yourself," J. Bass, M. Mathers and L. Resto (Eminem)

Again, i eliminate Eminem due to the age of the song. I also rule out Richard Marx not simply because i've never heard the song, but simply because honestly, can you imagine watching t.v. in 2004 and hearing "...and the Grammy for song of the year goes to...Richard [FUCKING] Marx!" without it being a bad SNL sketch? If there is a just and loving God, which i believe there is, he not allow this kind of thing to happen. So who does that leave.

Avril seems unlikely because she seemed to peak late last year. She is very talented, don't get me wrong, but as far as this album goes, i feel she has peaked. Also, Song of the Year is for best songwriting, not best performance, which is record of the year.

Warren Zevon, is a posibility due to the sentimental value, but i don't Johnny Cash's name anywhere, and the American people would riot if Johnny Cash was ignored for the man who wrote "Werewolf of London," so it seems we're stuck with the inspirational ho, Christina Aguilera.

Who i think should win: "Unwell" matchbox twenty (which isn't nominated)

Who i think will win: "Beautiful," Linda Perry (Christina Aguilera)

Album of the Year: "Under Construction," Missy Elliott; "Fallen," Evanescence; "Speakerboxxx/The Love Below," OutKast; "Justified," Justin Timberlake; "Elephant," The White Stripes

Missy Elliot has had a very big couple of years. Typically, however, hip-hop doesn't fare well outside of designated hip-hop categories. Evanescence has had a very big year, and it would be interesting to see what Amy Lee would have to say about Ben Moody quitting, but despite thier popularity, i don't see a debut CD winning album of the year, even if it is better than Come Away With Me. Justin will not win because the academy can't give an award if they are all dead, and i have taken certain measures.

This leaves OutKast and The White Stripes. This is hard to say because The White Stripes are the only "retro" band that has gained popularity and crtical acclaim instead of going the way of The Vines, and for good reason. Meanwhile, OutKast seem very likely to break the tradition of hip-hop artists not named Eminem doing well in a major category because or Andre300's genre-blending work. But is the work ready to name Andre it's King? Sadly i think not.

Who i think should win: "Speakerboxxx/The Love Below," OutKast

Who i think will win: "Elephant," The White Stripes

So that concludes my awards predictions. I do, however, have one last prediction. The most common speech of the night: "I would like to thank the academy for not even nominating Norah Jones for anything this year!"


The following comments are for "Grammy Predictions!"
by E.G. Evans

Yeah, I liked this, too. I hope to see OutKast and Evanescence win a lot of awards, because they *deserve to*, especially OutKast. I usually don't watch the Grammys, because no one I like but the Foo Fighters ever win (and they don't televise THOSE awards), but I'm tuning in to see OutKast's performance. Besides their music, they put on a fantastic show.

Good fun.

( Posted by: Elphaba [Member] On: January 14, 2004 )

Good, sharp read! Give us more!

( Posted by: Markellus [Member] On: April 18, 2004 )

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