Lit.Org - a community for readers and writers Advanced Search
 




Average Rating
8.5

(2 votes)


RatingRated by
9Unknown
8Unknown

You must login to vote

It pricks,
It stings,
not knowing,
im wondering.

is everything fine?
enclosed with fears?
alone...
eyes drowning in tears?

I am here,
Distance isolates me.
But i aspire,
for the best.
May, relationships and
friendships endure.
And not create a teardrop,
or make one's heart bleed.

In times of self doubt,
words like these,
written by a dying pen,
on the palest of white paper,
may not help.
But support and thoughts,
coming from far away,
will assist.

Distance prevents,
can't do much.
i'm only,
a friend,
who's wishing..
wishing everythings right,
wishing for luck,
wishing for the best.
always wishing...
wishing i could do more.


Related Items

Comments

The following comments are for "a single wish."
by ae86drifter19

Some talent here...
thanks for reviewing my other song. Emo's the best genre in music to me, next is obviously punk where it probably derived from. anyhoo...

the best lines in here were,
"written by a dying pen,
on the palest of white paper,"
Those two lines are perfect. Good imaginative effect on the reader/listener. the drowning in tears idea is cliched and butchered. I mean it's a great phrase, it's a step up from "I'm crying." but too many bands and ppl have used it, the meaning is sort of lost. use of the "..." are nice. I use them repulsively. It's my way of leading the readers on and waiting. like the tune of the music/silence just fades out a bit after the words. some picky common things, missing apostrophes and capitalizing "i"s. they don't make any difference to the meaning of the poem/song. it's just for the sake of it. ha. so uh. yeah, good write and thanks for reviewing my song. even tho. it's not a real emo tune song. I wish I could make it more. But yeah. Another good band is Jamisonparker. www.jamisonparker.com trust me, you'll discover what music really is. ^_^ well...you already discovered a good part of it. Yellowcard, The Ataris and etc. but yeah. anyhoo, keep writing. life sucks but life's good. not everything's black and white. -_^ (for no apparent reason I just felt like saying that) you can im or e-mail me. you've got talent. now go listen to Jamisonparker.

( Posted by: Rhia [Member] On: January 10, 2004 )





Add Your Comment

You Must be a member to post comments and ratings. If you are NOT already a member, signup now it only takes a few seconds!

All Fields are required

Commenting Guidelines:
  • All comments must be about the writing. Non-related comments will be deleted.
  • Flaming, derogatory or messages attacking other members well be deleted.
  • Adult/Sexual comments or messages will be deleted.
  • All subjects MUST be PG. No cursing in subjects.
  • All comments must follow the sites posting guidelines.
The purpose of commenting on Lit.Org is to help writers improve their writing. Please post constructive feedback to help the author improve their work.


Username:
Password:
Subject:
Comment:





Login:
Password: