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I am writing a childrens poetry book for my senior project at my technical school. I am writing a series of poems in the first person - for example, I am the sun, I am the earth, I am the clouds, I am the bugs... I will be posting poems as I write them, I would appreciate any comments or critiscm! I want these poems to work. Help me please! Thanks!

Cammisa


I Am The Earth

I am the great green gentle earth
Youíve lived upon me since your birth
I pay mind to the shining sun
The flowers open when he comes
And lay back down when he is done
4.5 billion years Iíve spun upon a tilted axis
Around eight planets I have run, oh a long time I have lasted
I care for the seas, the trees, the bugs, and for people too
The sun tells me to take it easy- lately Iíve been looking blue
I say I will always love my children and forever be your home
Even when you hurt me and destroy fragile ozone
As long as I am the great green gentle earth.





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The following comments are for "I Am The Earth..."
by diason

off rhythm
This poem didn't work for me. It's for children, right? Who is "he?" and why is "he" mentioned a lot? The rhyme doesn't work for me either. Is this supposed to be a child's book with illustration?

You're talking about frozen ozone, yet with the sense of rhythm, I get the sense it is for young children. How old is the audience? What message are you trying to send?

I see the message, but it would help if you took another look. Don't worry so much about rhyming. I don't see why it can't be prose and science. That will still appeal to little children, especially with bright colored illustrations. These are things to think about. Children don't always want to read a book that rhymes. Just something to think about.

( Posted by: Kathy M. [Member] On: January 11, 2004 )





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