Lit.Org - a community for readers and writers Advanced Search

Average Rating

(2 votes)

RatingRated by

You must login to vote


why is it that everything i try
is doomed to fail, im not sure why
so it comes as no surprise
that now, as i look into your eyes
everything inside me dies
your forced smile still cannot hide
your eyes... they only say goodbye

of all misfortune, the worst kind of fate is to have been happy.

Related Items


The following comments are for "the day i Died"
by ochimusha

Good Write
I think this is short, simple and effective. Good job.

( Posted by: ohprettybaby99 [Member] On: December 30, 2003 )

regarding Penelope
I'm not sure if those line breaks are necessary...sometimes it's better to have one long line than two short ones. But then again, it's only a matter of asthetics. Good job.

( Posted by: evil_bacteria [Member] On: January 3, 2004 )

thanks for all your wonderful suggestions and comments! the thing i like best about this community is the ability to get feedback from other writers. thanks so much for taking the time to read and comment on my amatuer ramblings.

and in regards to the formatting suggestions Penelope, i am more or less satisfied with the way it is. i (generally) prefer to let the reader find their own flow in my poetry, and it usually shows in my style. anyway, it's a pretty old piece; i dont think i have the heart to change it now even if i had wanted. your suggestions are always welcome, though!

( Posted by: ochimusha [Member] On: January 7, 2004 )

Add Your Comment

You Must be a member to post comments and ratings. If you are NOT already a member, signup now it only takes a few seconds!

All Fields are required

Commenting Guidelines:
  • All comments must be about the writing. Non-related comments will be deleted.
  • Flaming, derogatory or messages attacking other members well be deleted.
  • Adult/Sexual comments or messages will be deleted.
  • All subjects MUST be PG. No cursing in subjects.
  • All comments must follow the sites posting guidelines.
The purpose of commenting on Lit.Org is to help writers improve their writing. Please post constructive feedback to help the author improve their work.