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I love him. My heart roars at his words. My heart stopped. the sight of him made me crazy! When with him, it feels like im in paradise. I think of all the times we hung out, i remember them and dream them. I prisoned him in my heart and now he will never leave it.Hes the one i want and the one i desire. I wunt anything just 2 c him. i love him.


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The following comments are for "Brandon2"
by Bubls211

Critical comments
Okay, you start off with the present tense, "My heart roars..." and then slip into the past tense, "my heart stopped...", "the sight of him made me..."

Do you mean that he no longer has anyh effect on you except to make your heart raoa? That is what you say here - other than the roaring heart all other effects are past (ie he used to make my heart stop)
I know that is not what you mean, but that is what you said.

You did not "[prison]] him in your heart, you imprissoned him. Why will "he never leave"? Is it because he can't even though he wants to, is it because he is hooked too? You give no hint.

I'm guessing here, you are 14 or 15 (give or take 2 years).

Are you a writer or a poser? If you are a writer then pay attention and snap to! If you are a poser then tell me and I won't wsste my time with you.

Either way quit with the idiot illiterate 'net speak.

( Posted by: Enforced Bliss [Member] On: December 29, 2003 )

brandon 2
well Kellie, the heart was there for sure...I could feel what you meant having loved that way before
I think if you wanted you could be great at writing because you feel and aren't ashamed to say it.........I hope you dont mind I wrote what I thought you were saying...................

With you I am in awe, my heart
hangs on the moistness of
your lips as you speak

Your hands made time move
in my soul ,now unwound
as a clock on the mantel,
stopped at the hour you left

Will I sing of your beauty again
as I lay in paradise, or is all a fantasy unfold, for you have taken my very life

Although you, no longer here
in my heart we are one,
your spirit captured in my veins,
the rhythm of my heart
never to be the same,
my love never to be undone

( Posted by: coco [Member] On: December 29, 2003 )

brandon 2
now wouldnt U know,,,the lines were screwed...just my luck...for some reason it looks different when seeing on my computer then when it is posted
sorry,,,well I got your meaning, hope you got mine

( Posted by: CoCo [Member] On: December 29, 2003 )

thanxzs keel
lol ur such a dork kelly, but i love u.. thanxzs for the poem lol

( Posted by: noonespecial [Member] On: December 29, 2003 )

fuck off dipshits. you dont know wut u r talking about. i luv ya brandon. and thanx 4 not critizising me!!!!

( Posted by: bubls211 [Member] On: December 29, 2003 )

umm sorry but that is one of my really good friends. matter in fact that is brandon. so yeah ask before you say somthing bia.

( Posted by: Bubls211 [Member] On: December 30, 2003 )

easy people
ok, easy people. i know kellie and she may not be the best writer but at least she is trying. stick to the comments that will help her not make he upset and stop trying. and kellie, try to stop using the abbriviations. but besides that keep trying!

( Posted by: DiTzYcHiKa91 [Member] On: December 30, 2003 )

well penelope
dont give me the attitude. just cause kellie said something doesnt mean you should say something back, (and i dont mean to sound like a gay guidance counsler.). all im saying is be nice to kellie because she is a beginer and she is trying her hardest.

( Posted by: DiTzYcHiKa91 [Member] On: December 30, 2003 )

this is stupid
ok, penelope this is really stupid, im not gonna even argue about something like this. and to kellie, keep working on your poems just watch out for the abbriviations.

( Posted by: DiTzYcHiKa91 [Member] On: December 31, 2003 )

thanx shelby i luv ya babe. i could really careless about the abreaveations though so yeah. u r the only nice person!!!!! for all the other bitches, they can jst say wut they wunt in their head but if its not nice then dont say it all all bc i am a really emotional!!

( Posted by: bubls211 [Member] On: January 1, 2004 )

wut the hell do u mean. closed mind - and you are abusive - emotional? you're self centred and lack creativity. u have no idea wut u r talking about! i can spell i just dont spell right on the computer so fuck u

( Posted by: bubls211 [Member] On: January 3, 2004 )

yeah i do. i can write when i wunt and wut i wunt. and noonespecial and ditzychika are my fans thank u

( Posted by: bubls211 [Member] On: January 7, 2004 )

Enough already
Blimey o'riley! Greetings, Bob and Pen, Happy New Year to everyone and what the hell? Look, Kellie, I don't take kindly to my mates be told to eff off for giving an honest opinion. Your tactics are so obviously attention seeking as to be pathetic. Now, grow up or disappear to another website until you've learned to behave in a civil way. Your poem is in need of a great deal of re-writing, pay a lot more attention to the way you construct your work. There is plenty of passion there, but it's very unfocussed. The way you lash out in all directions speaks volumes for your lack of self-control. Being rude to people does not guarantee fame and fortune, and only a very foolish or very immature person would think that it did.
Paul the Ogg

( Posted by: Ogg [Member] On: January 8, 2004 )

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