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Tite You are an idiot!
Author: S.J. Nelipowitz



Let me start out by saying, I am a student of life.. never attended college. Why pay for four years of college for a piece of paper to say.. "Yes you are smart, and now you can go to tell people how messed up their life is, and how you can fix everything." I am not trying to fix anything. I am, however, trying to show you that a messed up life is expected. Let's face it. if everything was hunky-dorey for everyone why would we need head doctors? You don't need a head doctor.. your parents were idiots, you are an idiot, we are all idiots!! The sooner people realize this the happier we all will be. If you don't like someone telling you that you are an idiot, please stop reading.. I don't need your money so badly that I need hate mail.. besides I am writting this for my own well being.. not for yours. If you choose to read, and look at life in a whole new way then.. I congratulate you.. but you are still an idiot.


My parents were to blame for everything.. I didn't ask to be born.. (hear the tiny violins?) more stupid words were never spoken. Your parents got laid, your mother got knocked up.. you were born.
being total idiots, they chose to give parenthood a shot. News flash, parenthood does not come complete with an instruction manual. Any parent who says they knew right from the beginning that they knew how to handle every situation involving a child.. is full of crappola! Am sure I will get hate mail for this.. but oh well.. When a child misbehaves, alot of people turn to books to find the answers why their child is less than perfect, and acts like a baboon on speed. You are not going to find the answers in books. You have a rotten brat of a kid, face it, and live with it.. your kid, like you, is an idiot!!


Shall we look at career choices? No? Tough.. we are going to anyway. I would have loved to have spent my life sitting on my butt, eating bon-bons. As I wasn't given a choice to do so. It was quit school, get a job or starve to death. I didn't give welfare a thought, did I mention that I am an idiot? At age 20 something I was going to school to learn to type, and file stuff. It was when I was there I was given the opportunity to become a police dispatcher. The qualifications for the job, "If you are warm, breathing, and can read numbers off a big board, you are just what we need." Whee!! I was in. 22 years later I am still scratching my head "What was I thinking??" I medically retired two years ago, altho I am now enjoying life, sitting on my butt, there are no bon-bons!!!


What career choice did you make? Doctor, lawyer, walfare mommie, engineer? Well, as long as you are happy with your choice, (did I meantion that you are an idiot?), that is all that matters. To be fair, how many people are happy with their career choice? Not many, I can assure you. What most refuse to tell you is that they lie through their teeth. To admit that all the years they spent in college, to achieve their goal, was a total waste. They were better suited to flipping burgers at the local fast food place, where they probally would have been much happier. In this world of getting ahead, keeping up with the 'Jones", there is no such thing as happiness. Why must we beat ourselves up through-out our lives to be better than the next guy? Because... you are an idiot!! Being idiots. we all have to compete. If we let ourselves slow down and just exsist someone else gets the good stuff. Heaven forbid we should enjoy life. Life is to be spent scractching, and clawing, to the top. It is icing on the cake if we can trample a few on our way up. Has anyone stopped to think "Why am I doing this to myself?" Of course not. To do so one would have to finally admit "I am an idiot!"


Let's look at that social outting called 'shopping'. From the beginning let me say I hate shopping. I would much rather pay someone else to do the nasty chore. in fact.. that is exactly what I do. Yes I am a female, but being an idiot I am not a normal female who gets all thigh sweaty over shopping.. blech.
Be honest girls. Can you honestly pass a shoe store without having the urge to browse. If you answered yes.. you're an idiot!! Shopping is an outting, let's grab lunch, make a day of it. If I play my cards right, lunch will be way expensive and we can't afford to go to the mall!!!


I am wheelchair bound now.. shut up.. I do not need your pity.. anyways. I get to see people in a whole new way. You have never lived until you are eye to butt with peaple. It is rather frightening. When I am in a large crowd I fear of being on the recieving end of farts! Not a pleasant problem, but one I face in each outting. It isn't so bad when a see a guy with a nice backside.. but I practicaly have to sit on my hands to keep from 'reaching out and touching someone" yes I am an idiot.. he probally would have liked it.. and how could he be offended? He could never slap a poor little 50 something year old female in a wheel chair.. could he? Yes, he is an idiot!!


I have used 'we,you.they are idiots a lot here. That is because the world is full of them. Look at the next person you see. They are an idiot. Eye contact is a must. If a person can't look you straight in the eye they are not an idiot, they are a moron.. but this isn't about morons. Morons are a totally differant breed. While morons are mostly male, there are a few (coughs) female morons. We are discussing idiots, not morons, so let's continue.


Has anyone really looked at sports? What is the big deal? Running, jumping, at times running after a little ball. Idiots!! All crackers. Anyone that sits, for hours on end, in front of a television watching that crap is an idiot! People actually bet money on it! It boggles my mind. The money would be better spent flushed down the toilet! I hope the feeling has come across that I 'think sports suck!' Well I like indoor sports. blanket bingo being a favorite.. ummm the horizontal mambo? You do know what that is right? No? You're a flamming idiot!!! Yes there is a differance between an idiot, and a flamming idiot. Too much to be explained here. Perhaps later we can discuss the differances. For now let's leave this sports talk (vomits).


Ok, let's discuss the joys of driving. To hit the open road in a convertable. Ahh yes.. bugs in my teeth, indeedy, my idea of a good time!! Not!! I was twenty nine years old when I finally got my drivers license. My first brand new car also. I was so proud, happy, and eager to learn to drive. I am an idiot. Anyways, I learned. Soon I was tooling along life's highways. Back and forth to work.. whee.. ain't we got fun!! Fun? I had the damn car three months, when some idiot plowed into me turning when he shouldn't have!! I was so pissed I wanted to eat his liver. Did I? No.. because, you guessed it, I 'm an idiot!! Instead of doing what my guts wanted me to I laid my sobbing body over my three month old car, and cried like a baby. To make matters worse, I knew the cops that showed up to take the accident report. We go through the snide snickers, and the 'What did you do now Sal?' bits and we were outta there, me to my home, and my car to the car hospital. So there we have it accident number one. my second husband had accident number two.. also, so he claims, not his fault. I, being a moron at the time, believed him. I had my car seven years.. when it was murdered, yes murdered, on a local highway. The female, driver, of the other car told the police offcer, who thankfully I didn't know, that she had swerved to avoid some black pickup truck... bulltwinkies!.. her tires were as bald as a new baby's butt! She had a blow-out of a tire.. but the police officer believed her..he was an idiot I found one part of the ordeal amusing. six people got out of the car. all right as rain.. running around like chickens with thier heads cut off.. by the time the amulance came half of them were complaining of neck pains, and some were even flopping on the ground. What? Did they think I was a flamming idiot? They must have. When I brought it to the cops' attention he passed it off to being cautious. Well that 'boy in blue' slipped right down from being an idiot to being a moron! We all went off to the hospital.. I wasn't hurt but had no way home.. I happened to run into a police officer I knew so he volunteered to take me home.. he wanted to see how the rookie.. yes they sent a rookie to my accident! Anyways.. he went the hospital.. checked to make sure all was well.. then he took me home.. once again.. my car went to the car hospital. Seven years old.. 48 thousand miles on it.. and totally paid for.. Guess what.. the insurance company totaled my car!! I had paid close to 15 thousand for it.. and had to settle for 4 thousand!! Ackk!!! I settled for it.. thinking if I got a lawyer and dragged them to court I could end up with a lot less.. I was an idiot!!! Ok, that was accident number three. I never wanted to drive again!! I had a job that forced me to get another car.. let's face it.. walking sixteen miles round trip was not something this crippled idiot could do. So a month after the accident I purchased a year old car. It was a beauty. I told the sales person.. "Look, I do not want to pay more than 300 dollars a month in payments. So, out of the goodness of his heart, he arranged my payments to be 299 dollars a month. Such a deal, huh?? I, being an idiot, thought I had made a great bargoon. I then proceeded down life's roadway, happy, maladjusted, person. Accident number four happened as I was leaving work one day. I was going down a rather steep hill, with some yo-yo on my tail. I guess he wanted to pass so I edged over a little. No he didn't want to pass. I tried to increase the distance between us which made me ride up near the rear end of another vehicle. Suddenly an ambulance pulled out and the person in front of me slammed on their brakes, as did I to avoid the car in front. When I did the guy who had been riding my rear all the way down the hill rammed into the back of my car forcing me to be sandwitched in between. When the officer arrived and looked at things.. he advised me that I was traveling too close to the vehicle in front of me. When I tried to explain about the 'rear rider' he still contended that I had been traveling too close. I had the urge to ask him.. "Were your parents idiots also?" but I curbed that impulse. We live in a state where 'no fault' is in affect. So we toddled off to our insurance company and let them haggle it out. All of these accidents were not my fault.. but being an idiot I became frightened of driving. I finally got my wish one day when my doctor told me that I had developed (incert a mile long medical term here) a problem with my wrist. Whee!! I could finally not drive any more!!! My doctors had been after me for fifteen years to quit working and live off the government tit. I finally agreed.


Next time, perhaps, we'll discuss the idiots in relationships. Till then, be well, and always remember you are an idiot. You are not alone, as the world is full of them!



Comments

The following comments are for "You are an idiot"
by SallyjNy

I am also a Nelipowitz !!!
Hi there...

I wonder if we are maybe related somehow because my name is Nelipowitz too. I am living in Germany, and would be very glad if you drop me a line to dasdas@wudu.de :-)

See you,

D. Nelipowitz

( Posted by: DNelipowitz [Member] On: December 28, 2003 )

Well- uh- hm-mmm...
That was certainly very... Interesting.

I suppose you could say that you've inspired me to embrace my Idiothood. This being the case, I've decided to drop out of highschool and become a bag lady.

You should look into the art of motivational speaking.

No, really. I am dead serious.

( Posted by: Atanthipy [Member] On: June 14, 2004 )





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