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[disc]PG-13- (it will hopefully/eventually escalate and fit into this rating anyway)
may contain some course language and mild sex scenes.[/disc]

[an]I'm sucky with grammer and punctuation- I detest it and become sloppy so anyone willing to aid me would be appreciated.
Also I take forever to add on to my stories, as you can see.[/an]




Chapter 1

ACROSS THE SHADOWLESS SUN-DRIED GRASS AND CRYSTALLINE SKY A
single mustang sailed through the open land with itís muscles rippling powerfully with every stride, itís mane and tail outstretched in the summer breeze. His piceous coat glistened against the raging sun; nostrils flared wide, and eyes gleaming with excitement.
The sound of men hollering, dogs barking, leather grinding and thunder of hooves combined, echoed across the unchained land.
The black coated stallion was always a jump or leap in front of his pursuers, always just out of reach of manís grasp. Yet the men seemed relentless in catching the spirited mustang. Urging theyíre horses on even more, they quickly advanced on the stallion.

HANNAH SAMSON SAT ON A BLACK BARSTOOL SIPPING HER CHILLED BEER.
Hannah had dark silken hair, pale crystal-blue eyes and skin that was smooth and bronzed all over her slim yet lusciously curvaceous body. She was alluring, polite, well spoken, mysterious, and, a loner. Her only real friend was her dog that lay asleep at her heels, taking another swig of her beer, the black and white coated collie slightly whimpered and made muffled barks as itís paws, lips, and ears twitched suggesting the slender canine was dreaming.




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Comments

The following comments are for "Wide Open Spaces"
by Xandra

stallion
I think this is a good start. Towards the beginning there are some sentences that seem a little bogged down by all the description, try and make those flow more. I liked the description of the woman better, it felt more subtle to me.

I would comment on grammer and spelling but I'm no wizz myself. =D Keep writing.

( Posted by: Darkshine Raven [Member] On: December 9, 2003 )

wide open spaces
I like it alot,the weather right now where Iam is very cold but reading I felt, like I was soem how warmer...thanks for sharing

( Posted by: CoCo [Member] On: January 5, 2004 )

Wide open spaces
This seems to be a nice beginning, but it appears that you are a adjective freak(which isn't always a horrible thing), and I am the opposite of this. Other than how you could sometimes lose the reader's attention with the neverending descriptions, this seems to be written by someone with unexpected talent.

( Posted by: Insanewriter2000 [Member] On: April 1, 2004 )





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