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Chapter 1: All In Ten Years

Ten years ago it was. The night that Dublar had first attended a class by Professor Bailon, now referred to once again as, Captain Bailon. Diego had graduated six months later. Dublar had joined two years subsequent, and only spent four months before he was given his first job as captain. Dublar had immediately brought Diego to his crew; his very first crew member. Then after assembling a crew, they were granted permission to set out in search of a new settlement.
Not even a year later, the crew returned in full, all of them healthy, and with plunder ones had never seen or heard. And then the same crew set out again and began to build an establishment. They returned within two years with new of a small port built. They set out only four months later with three other ships of towns’ people.
They added greatly on the town, and named it. Five years later, it was a full-fledged trading route, and city, with great crop production, and rare minerals galore. Dublar was knighted by the Queen of Eve, and with his riches, but himself a fair house. Hs crew settled between Pradge, the newly discovered city, and in Eve.
Finally, Captain Dublar decided to gather his crew back together to go on one final voyage. He would find what happened to the Assailant, and see what happened to his brother once and for all.

“Another voyage?” Asked Diego when he told him.
“Well, when do we depart to Pradge?”
“Three months time.”
“Do you want me to gather the crew?”
“Would you please?”
“I s’pose I could handle that.”
“Good. Now I should make some preparations.”
“And I too. I haven’t been out to see in a year.”
“Nor have I. But that’s never slowed me down before.”
“Or me either.”
“Well, I’d better get going,” said Dublar.
“A lot of preparations to be made as usual,” added Diego.
The two clasped each other for quick moment, and then went their separate ways-Dublar to put the trip together and Diego to gather the crew. When Dublar reached his house, he unlocked the door and walked inside. He set his jacket on the coat rack and walked into his office. Maps were scattered all over a desk that sat in the middle.
Dublar began to dig around them, and found three maps he thought necessary to bring. A map to get to Pradge, a map to get to Delga, and then one of the Retward Sea. Dublar believed that his brother’s ship had crashed somewhere near an island known as Delga. It would be a two-year trip to go to Delga and back. Dublar was going to need every man in his crew for it.
Dublar then took out a small book to see which men of his crew lived in Eve.
First Mate Thomas Hinklar.
Lookouts Gobar and Ress Jillan; cousins.
Deck Mate Peter Swail.
Lieutenant Willis Smith.
Dublar decided he’d take it upon himself to find these men and inform them on the voyage. Along with Diego, these men were the best of the crew. They weren’t all top rank, but they certainly pulled their weight, along with that of others.
The day had been along one, with Dublar on his feet for the whole of it, pondering this voyage. And now he was quite exhausted. He went upstairs to his bedroom and changed into some suitable sleeping clothes. Crawling in his bed, Dublar blew out his lamp and went to sleep.
The next morning, Dublar fixed himself a full breakfast of bacon and eggs. As he ate, he examined and reexamined the map spread out over the kitchen table. He was interrupted by a pounding on his door.
“Coming,” he called through a mouthful of eggs. “I’m coming!” He repeated as the knock came again.
He opened the door to find Diego huddled in his clothes to keep warm.
Diego made a weak smile of chattering teeth.
“C-c-can I come in please?” He asked.
Dublar opened the door wider and motioned him in.
“It’s damn freezin’ out there.”
“I can tell,” replied Dublar. “So anyway, you must’ve come for reason.”
“Wow, how’d you ever guess?”
“Well, tell me what’s new.”
“Well, I just thought I’d give you a status on out crew.”
“Okay good. Inform me, please.”
“Alright. I have most of the crew that live here back on our vessel. There’s still ten or so I have to get from here, but we’ll be ready to sail out in two months time.”
“Two months?”
“Yes. Every man I’ve talked says he wants back out o n the sea as soon as possible. When I made the gesture of two months rather than three, they agreed that would be better.”
“Oh. Well, I guess that’s fine with me.”
“Not that you’re the captain, and don’t begin to think you are.”
Diego laughed.
“And what crazy idea made you think this?”
Dublar sighed.
“Good work, General Geray.”
“Do you really have to call me that when we’re not on the boat?”
“No. I suppose not.”
“Than please don’t, it makes it sound like we’re simply acquaintances, when we’re really friends.”
“I didn’t know you felt so strongly on this. I’ll simply call you Diego from here on out when we’re not on the boat.”
“That’s all I ask.”
“You see, now that is not even close to truth.”
Diego raised his eyebrows.
“Is that so?”
Dublar quit laughing and looked at him a little more seriously.
“Of course…you have my sailor’s word on it-nay, captain’s word on it.”
“I feel so reassured.”
Dublar placed his hands on his knees and stood up with a groan.
“What now?” Diego asked.
“To the harbor to see how my ship’s doing.”
“You mean…outside?”
Dublar laughed.
“Yes Diego, outside.”
“I s’pose it’s not too bad. We’ve had experiences ten times more badly than this out on the sea. The funny thing is, I don’t even seem to notice it out there.”

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The following comments are for "A Quest at Sea: Chapter 1"
by ArturHawking

Not a bad story, you have good beginnings here.

Unfortunately, I couldn't gather much from your beginning exposition. I didn't understand what was happening, and that tainted the rest of the story as well. You should slow down, if all that happened really did happen, then you're likely going to have to spend a little more time on it than just a paragraph. That was your main problem. Without a better beginning, there'll be little reason to keep reading and less to try and understand. Perhaps you should start it more with something of a 'teaser' event, a small scene from the past that you can use to show more of your characters, and explain clearly what was going on. Or, perhaps, just use the course of the preparations for sea as a way of explaining all that you tried to get out so quickly in the first paragraph.

Also, your dialogue was good, but it needed support. I could tell you knew your characters, but you didn't show them off very well. Take some time to describe mannerisms, tones, or even appearances in your dialogue, so that your readers have at least some picture of who is speaking and his personality.

Not bad at all, but it suffered from what a lot of stories suffer from: rush. Don't be afraid to take your time, expecially with a story that takes place on the ocean. Sicne your scenery won't change, your characters will have to be very compelling to keep the reader's attention. Good job.


( Posted by: Kitten Courna [Member] On: December 10, 2003 )

quest at sea
hey Jake! I really liked this, because I have always been fascinated by creating fantasy on water though I was never very good at it...How you immediately went into your characters striking up conversations (saying what they said) i couldn't understand very much, and I couldn't quite place the picture. BTW descriptions of characters is great, but so is it also when describing the surroundings/place of action. Personification works well....overall however i thought it was great.

( Posted by: Wynpen [Member] On: December 1, 2004 )

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