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His life slowly rots away
His fingers begin to decay
The hidden face under the mask
The guiltiness he couldnt supress
This is what got him into this whole mess

He had killed his family
So he could be with his forbidden love
For her touch
For her kiss

Why did his family ban him from his love?
Why didnt they let their son live his life?
No one knows, and no one will
Because they are dead
And all those answers are in their head.

Him and his love now lay in their bed
But the guiltiness is still in his head.

The police came to his house
And told him his family was dead
The police asked him some questions about that night
He simply responded "nothing, we just got into a fight"

And with that they took him away
He is locked in his cell and there he will stay

Now his once forbidden love will bore
For now she is forbidden once more.

------
King Lucifer


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Comments

The following comments are for "Forbidden Love"
by King Lucifer

This one is the best yet
This poem is my best yet!

( Posted by: King Lucifer [Member] On: December 6, 2003 )

forbidden
Well, sorry for not checking this out sooner, I have a bit of a distaste for love poetry. ;D

I think this is pretty good although the rhyme seems a bit heavy and unbalanced. The individual lines feel lik they've got too many words. All in all, this takes away from the impact of the piece. Good overall though. =D Take care.

( Posted by: Darkshine Raven [Member] On: December 6, 2003 )

Pen
Yes i know i didnt do my "review" before i submitted it.. silly me ;p .. i just got another submitted titled "which one"

( Posted by: King Lucifer [Member] On: December 7, 2003 )

.
Illitracy to say one thing..Overuse of words for another.
Most of it wouldnt make sence, if I didnt know how your insignifigant mind worked..
You need to work on your poetry wording, ryme AND style before you post something..your making a fool out of yourself...

I need not sighn my name for you know who I am "King Lucifer"..Who is nothing more than a meger and greedy "Prince"

( Posted by: Defyie [Member] On: December 29, 2003 )

eh
eh....

( Posted by: king lucifer [Member] On: January 12, 2004 )

hurt
I also felt that was a very good poem but a bit gory for my taste which is scary because a am a very gory person. I hope you will keep writing
Emily the Mental

( Posted by: demonspawn666 [Member] On: February 3, 2004 )

Mental
I liked the picture that it represents. I really enjoy the irony in the end (I am such a sucker for a good slap in the face ending). It was a bit awkward in places but nothing that can't be easily tweaked if you wanted to. In my opinion, the words come out as you feel them, too much changing eventually ruins the original intent.

( Posted by: Bassgoddess770 [Member] On: April 14, 2004 )





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