the look of death
by larissawise (Member) - published: December 3, 2003
Word Count: 104 Word Bytes: 599 Viewed: 676 times
Category - Poetry
© Copyright by larissawise

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I gaze into the eyes
of a person I once loved...
and fall into the depths of their black soul
I break the surface of their bleak world
and feel the agony of their broken heart
I cry out for a saviour from this god-forsaken place
and try to find a way out from this lonely, dark disgrace
I fall upon the dirty ground
just pleading for the end
and drift into a slumber
of chains I can't surrend
My eyes crack open; here I am
lying on the floor
My mirror lies in front of me
I shall look in it no more

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Comments

The following comments are for "the look of death"
by larissawise

Mirrors and such
As a bit of melodrama, this isn't bad. It seems a trifle forced, but you have some good lines. I like "My mirror lies in front of me / I shall look in it no more," and it rings true.

But since you're referring to a single person, and not multiple people, you shouldn't be using "their". That use of a plural word in reference to a singular subject is irritating.

I look forward to reading more of your work.

( Posted by: Viper9 [Member] On: December 4, 2003 )

"Their"
I interpreted the poem as beng about eyes and gazing.
The mirror is a metaphor for the speaker's eyes,
which like a broken mirror lie cracked on the floor.

Therefore I was not bothered with "their" -- from the
first instance I considered "their black soul" as being
the soul of the eyes of the rejected lover. I like how it is
counter-expectational -- that a soul is usually associated with a mind or a psyche. Which way did you mean it ?

( Posted by: Benjamin [Member] On: April 7, 2004 )

surprised me
i like that i thought you were talking about a significant other and then found out you were talking about yourself... very awesome. i like surprise endings.

( Posted by: supergranny [Member] On: October 23, 2004 )

saloua
i like your poem and apreciate so mush when are you going to write more

( Posted by: tounarti [Member] On: May 11, 2005 )

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