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I'm looking in the mirror trying to remember exactly what it was that I saw there six weeks ago. Who did I think I was, why did I want to do this? I remember the way your hand felt wrapping around mine. The thought used to make me smile...though a bittersweet love I could still feel warmth at the memories of my ignornant bliss.

But now...oh how the passing days force me to question the bounds of your deceit. Looking myself in the eyes I see tears build up, and then gently spill over the dam of my eyelids. It's not your transgression that apalls me so much as your silence. How I wrong I was about you...how wrong I was about myself! I thought we were something completely different. Lovers yes...but friends before that. And now I look in the mirror and I see myself as you must see me. A pitiful girl who attracts the weary eye. Desperate and needy, she's do as you ask. That how all of you see me. From you with your fake promises and ugly dreams, to your "best' friend who clips the Maxium pages and send them to your room. Those paper whores take my place in your heart...

I just suppose I thought that it would be different. I thought you were someone else. I suppose I was wrong, wasn't I? And now the tears won't stop coming and I sit and lean against the cold, hard wall. I feel like I can never be okay again. The logical part of my mind is gone and I am emotionally destroyed. If I could have only seen through your blind lies, my own desperate need, then perhaps I wouldn't be here now. And I know this will blow over, like a rain cloud giving way to sunny new day. But until then...until that moment comes I don't know how I'll keep myself from falling off the brink.

When my tears stop, I get up and walk to the computer. I try to talk to people and there is nothing left to say. I try to write, but no words will come. I see the greatest sin of all here in the empty space before me. You stole my tongue when you left here. Stuck it in your pocket and day by day I've gotten less and less able to express myself. I wonder if I'll ever get it back again. I sigh and walk over to my bed where I wrap myself in the warmth of blankets who have no choice but to care. I drift away, and in my dreams I see you with another woman...the one you really loved.

------
"God grant me distraction."
-Zampano


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Comments

The following comments are for "You Stole My Tongue..."
by Darkshine Raven

the mirrored pools
Like the emu and the kangaroo you can only go forward. You propbably touched a part of him that he didn't know existed, and he may never touch again. We are like mirrors of each other and one day you will find yourself reflected back again in all your glory.
Remember u are unique and needed
Patience.
Time has its uses.
m

( Posted by: smithy [Member] On: November 21, 2003 )

penelope and smithy
Smithy, and Penelope- Thank you guys so much for leaving a note here. It's so nice to know there are people around for me, especially when things have been they way they have been. Smithy, I know what you mean about seeing yourself reflected back. It's a beautiful thing. Penelope, it is very relevent. A teacher of mine told me something very similar to that in ninth grade and it's always helped lift me up because it is very true. *hugs back* Thanks for reminding me of it.

I'm trying to dig myself out of this pit. In the meantime expect nothing but crappy love poetry and depressed flash ficition from me. =D Take care you guys.

( Posted by: Darkshine Raven [Member] On: November 23, 2003 )





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