Lit.Org - a community for readers and writers Advanced Search
 




Average Rating
0.00

(0 votes)

You must login to vote

i met a little boy who had a crush on his mom. she would stroke his forehead when he was sick, and nuzzle in close when the thunder rolled outside his bedroom window.
"i want to marry her when i grow up," he would say.
she divorced his daddy when he was only 2 years old.
they had a fight and her blood was all over the kitchen cabinet.
it stung.
she showed him how the stars last for an eternity, and he showed her how to make peanut butter sandwhiches.

even though she already knew.

her smile lit his insides, and he got butterflies when they held hands.
"i'm in love with my mommy," he would sing all day.
"she's the greatest person ever," he would tell me.

one day this ltitle boy went into his mother's bedroom. and she wasn't there. he yelled for her to come, but she didn't budge.
where was she?
the bathroom door was open, he giggled. mommy was playing a game.
he opened the door and stood there, his eyes 10 feet from his head. his arms went limp, and his shoulders started to sag. the little boy had asthma, and only mommy knew where the inhaler was.

she was in a bathtub filled with blood. 87 slits to each wrist, he could see her bones. her chest wasn't moving. he looked at the wall, which was usually bright white and sparkling, instead it held a endless message.

"i love you, johnny. mommy couldn't handle it."

he picked up the razor and slit his throat.

i knew a little boy who always told me he wanted to marry his mommy.
and he did.


Related Items

Comments

The following comments are for "87 slits to each wrist"
by HerChokingCharm

chilling, but...
I will admit that on the surface this little bit of flash gave me the shivers. You use just enough personal and internal detail to cause the reader to connect with the subject that the end, while no real shock, is still jarring.

Beyond that I have a few suggestions. First of all, I would change the title. The current title gives away the end of the piece, and lessons the impact of your work.

Secondly, I would look into capitalization. This piece would work as a prose poem in this format, but if you are going to classify it as flash it really should follow standard rules on capitalization.

All in all very good work, just a few minor beefs.

Bart

( Posted by: Bartleby [Member] On: November 11, 2003 )





Add Your Comment

You Must be a member to post comments and ratings. If you are NOT already a member, signup now it only takes a few seconds!

All Fields are required

Commenting Guidelines:
  • All comments must be about the writing. Non-related comments will be deleted.
  • Flaming, derogatory or messages attacking other members well be deleted.
  • Adult/Sexual comments or messages will be deleted.
  • All subjects MUST be PG. No cursing in subjects.
  • All comments must follow the sites posting guidelines.
The purpose of commenting on Lit.Org is to help writers improve their writing. Please post constructive feedback to help the author improve their work.


Username:
Password:
Subject:
Comment:





Login:
Password: