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-Just a little something I came up with at a neighbor's party. I actually wrote this down with an orange crayon on a page ripped out from a toddler's coloring book. Hope he doesn't mind-

_FALLEN STAR_

I dreamed I was among the stars,
Rising above the earthly scars.

Quietly in my pod I rested,
A twinkling god not to be bested....

Invited to the cosmos chant,
I agreed, trying hard not to vant.

Singing along with my star friends,
We set the universal trend.

Our celestial music soared above all,
Letting others take the fall.

On one side I felt the glory of the triumph,
The other me calling "Traitor nymph!"

Thus came the impede,
Guilt sought me to recede.

Hence I gave my consent-
With the slightest bit of repent.

Not saying good-bye,
I left, tears in my would-be eyes.

Silently, down I drifted,
To the clan from I had once shifted.

Just another fallen star weeping in solitude..

-Review please. By the way, vant means vaunt, just in case you might not know-


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Comments

The following comments are for "Fallen Star"
by Cryptic Rapture

okay
It's okay, though it tries too hard to be literary at times. The fact that you wrote it in crayon is great -- I must try that soemday, see if it affects my writing at all! lol.

The last line really stands out, by the way. I appreciated that an awful lot -- especially since I can never come up with such fun metaphors (maybe I have an odd sense of fun . . .)

( Posted by: Boy Howdy [Member] On: November 11, 2003 )

Lovely poem
I think it's nice,the last line is a great ending. The only word that seemed odd, was 'bested' I'd say 'tested' is better.
I'll rate it a 10 though still. Very nice! :)

( Posted by: Storyteller [Member] On: November 12, 2003 )

Storyteller/Boy Howdy
Thanks.

( Posted by: Cryptic Rapture [Member] On: November 15, 2003 )

Fallen Star, Really
Imaginative, drifting to other worlds.
Romantic, gazing at the sky.
Tender, grinning inwardly.
Words fall short, you are really fallen star that has a cryptic rupture.

( Posted by: Rakesh [Member] On: November 21, 2003 )

Rakesh-
Thanks! I feel really happy you think so! It's nice you took the time to review, I liked yor mini-poem within the review too. Thanks, plain and simple.

( Posted by: Cryptic Rapture [Member] On: November 22, 2003 )





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