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She sits there, alone in a crowd
Trying so hard to be seen
Wondering why she has become this way
Her life is but an empty dream.

She's pretty, but seems older than her years
She looks like a woman, but really she's only a girl
Wondering if she'll have enough money for food today
She's wrapped up in her own little World

A man, sits alone in a crowd
He sees the girl sat outside on the floor
What will become of her?
He feels helpless to do more.

He can see that she's homeless
But he wouldn't know what to say
She might think he's a weirdo
If he should he ask her name
He's a kind, caring man with a genuine heart
But to her, he'd be just another face
to blame.

She's still there, the girl sat alone in a crowd
Maybe one day,her Prince Charming will find her
He will see her sweet face and adore her for sure
Hopes the man sat alone in a crowd
Wishing that he could do more.

------
Storyteller


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Comments

The following comments are for "Alone in a Crowd"
by Storyteller

lonely
I liked this piece because of the sense of place it has. I could definately envision the setting, but the character was a bit more vague. It would be a bit stronger if you described the girl a bit more vividly. But, other than that I thought it was a very cool little poem. =D

( Posted by: Darkshine Raven [Member] On: November 11, 2003 )

Liked..
I liked this, because I can often refer myself to this situation. Nicely done, but you could add some more description, sort of like what Darkshine Raven said.

( Posted by: Cryptic Rapture [Member] On: November 11, 2003 )

Thanks you two.
I'm glad you both like it, but I planned to write the poem from 2 separate viewpoints.
I prefer to keep my poems between 3 and 6 stanzas.If I had described the girl anymore
the poem would become too long, from 2 viewpoints.That's why it's like it reads.

( Posted by: Storyteller [Member] On: November 11, 2003 )

Oh...
I read your message. I see how you prefer to write this. I give you an 8/10. Did I rate it already? I can't remember. Oh well.

( Posted by: Cryptic Rapture [Member] On: November 13, 2003 )





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