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The cat emerges quietly from the moving shadows

Silhouette branches sway as many birds take flight

The hollow moon sails high into the dark cerulean sky

And brilliant stars cast their own ethereal light

She crouches down, a sleek and puissant creature

Her nostrils straining to catch a scent upon the breeze

Motionless and yet alert with every muscle straining

While the cries of her hungry cubs rise in plaintive pleas

An injured kudu limps along the fringes of the water

Thick crimson blood streaming from her wounded flank

Hyenas skulk about, their bloodstained faces grinning

Demonic eyes gleaming from the edges of the riverbank

Suddenly, the cat, in a lightening blur of mercurial motion

Brings down the doe with its rolling fear-crazed eyes

She takes a grip upon its throat, choking off its breath

And without a fight, in almost frozen acquiescence, it dies

The startled scavengers quickly scatter in all directions

The struggle is over and the mighty feline queen has won

She drags the still warm kill, her muscles tired and trembling

To feed her ravenous cubs and sleep, her job for now is done

Open wide the eyes of the mind.

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The following comments are for "Untitled"
by Chanti

hollow moon
some great imagery here, chanti... i'm not so partial to rhyming poetry, myself, but i can appreciate what you're up to.

the main issue i have with this piece is the rhythm, actually. it seems like if you're going to rhyme four-line stanzas, they need to have some sense of meter and rhythm... sonnet-like. otherwise the rhyme sneaks up and clobbers you at the wrong moment: a nasty feeling.

( Posted by: ark [Member] On: November 9, 2003 )

The Kill (hollow moon response)
Dear hollow moon,

Thanks so much for your feedback. I am still growing and so appreciate all constructive critique. I am not sure how to rework this one but am experimental in my approach and so write in many different styles. Please try to look at other work and tell me what you think.

( Posted by: Chanti [Member] On: November 9, 2003 )

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