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When I try to get closer to you
I feel the thorns from your heart
Where once there lived a tender rose
I can't believe that tenderness died
Now,only emptiness and misery grows.

When I try to make you smile
I feel the thorns from your heart
Where once happiness had shone bright
I don't know why you stopped smiling
Someone,somewhere,turned out our Love's light.

When I tell you that I love you
I feel the thorns from your heart
Where once,you'd gladly let me in
For our future of Love together
But now, I have to give in.

I've tried so hard, my Love
I still feel the thorns from your heart
Where once we could talk all night
Of our dreams and our fears
But it's no use anymore, goodnight.


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The following comments are for "Thorns from your heart"
by Storyteller

You're good..
You're pretty good at writing romance/angst. I like your poem. Don't fear that your poems or short stories are bad. Put them up here. I'd like to read your works. You seem like a good writer. Thanks for reading my short story too. I appreciate it greatly.

( Posted by: Cryptic Rapture [Member] On: November 8, 2003 )

...too much sentiment. I can identify with what you're feeling but the way you wrote it, it's just too sentimental and has just about every cliche in the book. Not that I haven't been there, too.

( Posted by: gomarsoap [Member] On: November 8, 2003 )

I really liked the aburpt end of this poem. Made it feel determined. I agree about the cliches, but I think that as you write more you'll go beyond that. Keep it up, I say! You'll discover more talent than you might believe. =D

( Posted by: Darkshine Raven [Member] On: November 9, 2003 )

It's meant to be this way
This poem, was written 3 days after ending with my last girlfriend.It is MEANT to be sentimental.That was the point! In my opinion, (most) Romance poetry IS sentimental anyway.How could it not be?
Also - Literature is FULL of cliches.

( Posted by: Storyteller [Member] On: November 9, 2003 )

What gomar was trying to say
I think, storyteller, that gomar was trying to mark its unoriginality of sorts - it's ok to write unoriginal pieces, but they are often not as exciting as totally original poems.

And a note on cliches - most cliches in literature weren't cliched when written...

( Posted by: False Dawn [Member] On: November 9, 2003 )

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