Lit.Org - a community for readers and writers Advanced Search
 




Average Rating
8

(1 votes)


RatingRated by
8Unknown

You must login to vote

When I try to get closer to you
I feel the thorns from your heart
Where once there lived a tender rose
I can't believe that tenderness died
Now,only emptiness and misery grows.

When I try to make you smile
I feel the thorns from your heart
Where once happiness had shone bright
I don't know why you stopped smiling
Someone,somewhere,turned out our Love's light.

When I tell you that I love you
I feel the thorns from your heart
Where once,you'd gladly let me in
For our future of Love together
But now, I have to give in.

I've tried so hard, my Love
I still feel the thorns from your heart
Where once we could talk all night
Of our dreams and our fears
But it's no use anymore, goodnight.



------
Storyteller


Related Items

Comments

The following comments are for "Thorns from your heart"
by Storyteller

You're good..
You're pretty good at writing romance/angst. I like your poem. Don't fear that your poems or short stories are bad. Put them up here. I'd like to read your works. You seem like a good writer. Thanks for reading my short story too. I appreciate it greatly.

( Posted by: Cryptic Rapture [Member] On: November 8, 2003 )

Sentiment
...too much sentiment. I can identify with what you're feeling but the way you wrote it, it's just too sentimental and has just about every cliche in the book. Not that I haven't been there, too.

( Posted by: gomarsoap [Member] On: November 8, 2003 )

goodnight
I really liked the aburpt end of this poem. Made it feel determined. I agree about the cliches, but I think that as you write more you'll go beyond that. Keep it up, I say! You'll discover more talent than you might believe. =D

( Posted by: Darkshine Raven [Member] On: November 9, 2003 )

It's meant to be this way
This poem, was written 3 days after ending with my last girlfriend.It is MEANT to be sentimental.That was the point! In my opinion, (most) Romance poetry IS sentimental anyway.How could it not be?
Also - Literature is FULL of cliches.

( Posted by: Storyteller [Member] On: November 9, 2003 )

What gomar was trying to say
I think, storyteller, that gomar was trying to mark its unoriginality of sorts - it's ok to write unoriginal pieces, but they are often not as exciting as totally original poems.

And a note on cliches - most cliches in literature weren't cliched when written...

( Posted by: False Dawn [Member] On: November 9, 2003 )





Add Your Comment

You Must be a member to post comments and ratings. If you are NOT already a member, signup now it only takes a few seconds!

All Fields are required

Commenting Guidelines:
  • All comments must be about the writing. Non-related comments will be deleted.
  • Flaming, derogatory or messages attacking other members well be deleted.
  • Adult/Sexual comments or messages will be deleted.
  • All subjects MUST be PG. No cursing in subjects.
  • All comments must follow the sites posting guidelines.
The purpose of commenting on Lit.Org is to help writers improve their writing. Please post constructive feedback to help the author improve their work.


Username:
Password:
Subject:
Comment:





Login:
Password: