Surf & Turf
by Penelope (Member) - published: November 3, 2003
Word Count: 258 Word Bytes: 1658 Viewed: 2542 times
Category - The Write Off
© Copyright by Penelope

7.91

(49 votes)

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*sigh*
My remote isn�t far away.
I wonder what�s on today?

click

Cooking Lesson - Sweaty Session
Car - Booze - Pills - Choose
Police Patrol - Football Goal
Talking Heads - Nearly Deads
Birthing Gazelle - Prison Cell
Hound Hero - Ground Zero
PBS - NBC - CTN - KRAP
ABC - CTV - KVOS - JUNC
Funeral Wake - Flubbed OutTake
Golfing Green - Groping Scene
Car - Booze - Pills - Choose
Rehashed News - In Depth Views
Political Debate - Watching Weight
Torch & Twang - Fur & Fang
ODSY - CNBC - ESPN - KRAP
KSTW - A&E - BRAVO - JUNC
Travel Tip - Pratfall Clip
Magic Show - Tundra Snow
Soccer Game - Wildfire Flame
Car - Booze - Pills - Choose
Explicit Nude - Rapping Dude
Murder Mystery - Modern History
APTN - MTV - KOMO - KRAP
WSBK - CBUT - KCPQ - JUNC
Baseball Innings - Lotto Winnings
Spin the Wheel - Marauding Seal
Soapy Suds - Fashion Duds
Flooded Home - Ancient Tome
Car - Booze - Pills - Choose
Canned Laughter - Scam Grafter
KIRO - KING - CHEK - KRAP
KSTW - CBC - KCTS - JUNC
Hung Jury Trial - Freed Pedophile
Foreign War - Hockey Score
Operation - Third World Nation
Sermon Preaching - Toxic Leaching
Weather Channel - Consumer Panel
Car - Booze - Pills - Choose
PBS - NBC - CTN - KRAP
ABC - CTV - KVOS - JUNC

There�s nothing on.
I�m done and gone.
*sigh*

click

02/11/03
PFA

------
"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent" - Eleanor Roosevelt

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Comments

The following comments are for "Surf & Turf"
by Penelope

excellent
I can't believe you had the ability to carry such a hard style of poetry from start to finish and do it so well in so short a time. Congrats to you. This is really great and I'm impressed with it.

Nice work.

~Jessica

( Posted by: Jessicanm [Member] On: November 3, 2003 )

structure
i love to see a poem with structure! as jessica said, well executed. nice rhythm and good rhyming, as well as a handle on current issues. it might be even stronger if you lost the intro and exit lines, which are a bit weaker than the rest, and simply begin and end with "click."

( Posted by: cybele [Member] On: November 3, 2003 )

televised
By the walls of Dis, what sullen misery is this?!

I don't watch television, so I don't _get it_ but I do understand the anguish and the drudgery. Bravo for putting this much density into poetry.

( Posted by: Rogan [Member] On: November 3, 2003 )

wasteland
Fast and furious; the way I like it. A gritty tight piece of poetry
about the vast wasteland of t.v.
I like the density and harshness of this piece it blends well with the subject matter. Don't lose the intro and exist lines it adds balance to the poem . Excellant job Tigar Lady. 9/10

warmest regards
bob

( Posted by: rcallaci [Moderator] On: November 3, 2003 )

perfect. (but that title..?)
This poem wins the contest for me too. This was a very strong write-off; they were both good, but this was the best.

Having said that, I have to confess that I am stumped on your title? Okay, channel-hopping could be surfing, but turf? I don't get it.

When I started reading this, the first thing I thought of was my poem Flicking Channels, but from a similar starting point, you took it in a totally different direction.

There really isn't anything I can pick up on in this poem to complain about (apart from the title, but I'm sure you've got an explaination for that too). The rhyme and rhythm are perfect, as are both the mood and meaning.

I'm giving you a score of 9/10, and this is the closest I've come in a long time to a 10/10. Well done.

( Posted by: Spudley [Member] On: November 3, 2003 )

turf
Spudley - Surf is indeed surfing the channels - it might not be a common term in Britain but turf means toss away - discard. Surf & Turf is also a play on words because on some restaurant menu's Surf & Turf means steak & lobster/prawns. Torch & Twang is sometimes used for country & western music. Fur & Fang is what a friend of mine used to call nature shows. When I got the topic television I remembered your poem and it got me to thinking. I also thought about the term remote and how the remote is always getting lost somewhere. It was a common joke in my home. Q. "Where is the remote?" A. "It's far away." I don't watch a lot of television and I rarely surf channels but my X did all the time and I vividly remember the images flashing on the screen while he flicked by them. I also thought about a Billy Joel song where he raps rhyming world history headlines in a wonderful manner. So, some inspiration comes from you Spudley. Thanks!
Jessica, thanks very much. This was fun to write so it went quickly and fairly smoothly. I even went to the program listings channel to jot down a variety of station letters. I added the Car - Booze - Pills - Choose as an afterthought. I could not imagine going through that many channels without tripping over some commercials.
Cybele - I believe the beginning and end lead into the poem and provide a reason why I am bothering with the TV at all. I'm bored out of my skull and I can't find a damn thing to distract me. Those lines lend my emotions to the poem.
Roganize - Thanks!
Bob - I thought of your tight wonderful word usage as I wrote this. I'm very glad you like it.

( Posted by: Penelope [Member] On: November 3, 2003 )

didn't understand
I liked the first 2 and last 2 lines, but the listings were rhythmic without out any real linking or continuity. I imagine these poetry writeoffs are difficult things and its probably a hell of a lot better than i could do. Apart from you thinking TV krap, i didn't feel much. I guess in that way you have succeeded in capturing the out-of-control-remote experience. I liked the ad breaks. Clever. A 7 from an ignoble box-watcher.

( Posted by: Smithy [Member] On: November 3, 2003 )

you understood perfectly
Smithy - there is no continuity because there is nothing connecting the programs as one flicks through the channels. If you have ever done that or been in the company of one who is doing that, all you see is glimpses of unconnected images. It's irritating if done to you on a regular basis. I used to think about the theory that flashed images affected one's subconcious thought. Until you compete in a write off I suppose you will never know how tough it is. I react well under stress. Thanks for your comments. As you can see the scored of others were more generous.

( Posted by: Penelope [Member] On: November 3, 2003 )

a little slow
sorry. It takes me awhile. I think i wrote the tittle as my first thought after reading it and the rest as i was reflecting on it. I admire the craft-persons-ship of the piece, but wondered where you were coming from, what you were looking for? You're right, its probably woth more than a 7, but i guess i was looking for more of the writers own soul within it. Let your art judge me. Happy to be wrong. m

( Posted by: smithy [Member] On: November 3, 2003 )

happy
I'm glad you did catch the drift of what I was trying to convey. Other than that, it's simply a matter of opinion. I wasn't taking offense, simply trying to explain. :-)

( Posted by: Penelope [Member] On: November 3, 2003 )

Way to go Pen!
Penelope...I expected nothing less than the best from you, and as usual, you didn't disappoint me. (the style reminded me of my poem, Who Speaks for The Children in that rat a tat tat fashion!) Couldn't find a thing wrong with it to complain about. 9/10 from me also!

( Posted by: Beatrice Boyle [Member] On: November 4, 2003 )

and the realisitc
Penelope, I definately preferred the clarity in this poem. Your points and ideas are very clear. I think the way you weaved the images into a coherent whole was creative, and the intro and conclusion very nice touches. Unfortunately...I found Kitten's poem more compelling and as a creator (and lover of) mysterious or abstract poetry I gave the win to her. I think you could have expanded on this more than you did.

I had a very hard time making a decision on this one, as I said in my comment on Kitten's piece (and in my blog entry, "judging woes"). You both deserve to win, but I had to chose one of you. =/

7/10

( Posted by: Darkshine Raven [Member] On: November 5, 2003 )

realist
I don't consider myself a realist but this poem certainly is. Don't fret about your decision as opinions of the mind are what makes us unique. I disagree that I could have added anything to this. It's a reflection of what's on television. A realistic view of what programs are out there. My interaction with a television is minimal. I never blamed it for my failing marriage but recognized it as a mind trap. I could not write a mysterious poem about TV. My opinion is far too clear about what's out there for viewing consumption. I think that is why I watch it so rarely.

( Posted by: Penelope [Member] On: November 5, 2003 )

Moving on
As surfing channels implies, one does not stay but just long enough on any channel to see what the content of the show is. Your describing it in just a word per channel captures the true meaning on the term. I'll have to agree with the others, who felt the title might have been better without turf in it. Like yourself I watch very little TV. For the last ten years or more I've limited myself to watching three programs a week.

( Posted by: fromdebayou [Member] On: November 5, 2003 )

Rhythm...
and hues...I really liked this, Pen. And, after reading both poems, I think that, yes, you deserve the win with this one.

Even as I was reading, I had "We Didn't Start The Fire" playing in my head.
I think you captured the apathy of channel hopping extremely well.

I'm giving you a 9, here.
You earned it, Hon!

( Posted by: Jasmine [Member] On: November 5, 2003 )

Penelope
Great job! Seeing that I never watch television, but have seen my sons flipping from one station to another, sometimes {turf} throwing the remote down, because there is nothing on the tube to write.Great Title, also.

Blessings

{{{Jeannie}}}

( Posted by: JEANNIE45 [Member] On: November 7, 2003 )

Pen/wow!
silly me!. I think about writing so much. I meant, nothing on the tube to watch.

Jeannie

( Posted by: JEANNIE45 [Member] On: November 7, 2003 )

365 channels
Penelope~

I too was immediately reminded of Billy Joel's We Didn't Start The Fire when I read this piece. For me that is an excellent thing. You have great pacing in this piece, I felt almost compelled to ramp up the speed of the reading, as if I were searching for the right image to appear. Much like channel surfing.

The bookend stanzas at beginning and end of the poem come off well. All in all an excellent piece.

I feel you handled the topic more clearly than Kitten and thus gave the nod to you on this go round.

Looking forward to the next time we do this.

Bart

( Posted by: Bartleby [Member] On: November 8, 2003 )

combined effort
fromdebayou- Thanks for stopping by and letting me know what you think. :-)
Jasmine - Billy Joel was only one inspiration but the format came from his song. I am so glad you heard it! Thanks.
Jeannie - You didn't have to come back and explain, I knew what you meant. Thanks for approving of the title! Turfing the remote .. absolutely!
Bartleby - A channel for every day of the year? *shudder* I'm sorry you weren't up there in the headlines with us. You recognized BJ's song too! I must have done it well. Thanks for the nod.
Note: Spudley and my remote also deserve some of the credit for this poem. :-)

( Posted by: Penelope [Member] On: November 8, 2003 )

Damn Pen ;)
Very nice. The Uzi rhyme scheme caught the whole soul-crushing experience pretty much perfectly.

I particularly liked some of the linkages you made, "Hung Jury Trial - Freed Pedophile /
Foreign War - Hockey Score / Operation - Third World Nation / Sermon Preaching - Toxic Leaching"

Good on ya

Bliss

( Posted by: Enforced Bliss [Member] On: November 9, 2003 )

Elliott
Your praise makes my heart 'soar like the eagle' to quote Chief Dan George. Thank you for taking the trouble to drop by. The Damn Pen scared the hell out of me though! Damn you too! :-) The connections were intentional, my personal fave is Torch & Twang - Fur & Fang.
*is very happy*

( Posted by: Penelope [Member] On: November 9, 2003 )

well done yet again my friend!
you too have produced another wonderful flurry of words... it's like nothing i have seen from you before, and it has inspired me to give it a try, though i can tell you right now i will not do as good a job of it!

A good one from pen - once again!

(hi Jessica, just the other day i was saying that i haven't seen you in a while.)

( Posted by: man eating maniac [Member] On: November 10, 2003 )

Thanks m-e-m!
This form of this poem surprised me too! I've done short rhyming schemes a couple of times but this is the first rap attack I've had. I wasn't sure about it when I submitted it and was floored by the approval ratings. Are all writers so unsure of their work? I'm glad I took the risk and went with my opinions about the tube. It was my immediate response to the topic of television. Thanks very much! I'll keep an eye out for yours!
*hint* Make sure you pick a topic you have a strong reaction to. lol

( Posted by: Penelope [Member] On: November 10, 2003 )

Congrats!
Well done, Penelope, and congratulations.

For me, your poem was a little too accurate. I couldn't stand reading about that precisely what I've spent so much time avoiding. It was irritating, but that doesn't strike against your poem; it strikes against television.

Your poem was well crafted and consistent. I thought the first and last bits were nice, a real voice amidst a babble, and that was comforting. A job well done, for certain!

-Kitten

( Posted by: Kitten Courna [Member] On: November 10, 2003 )

My worthy opponent
Kitten
I was very concerned about this poem being grating and hard edged but ... then I thought about the topic .. how I felt aout television. I tried to slip in some humour to smooth down the hammering. I was totally surprised when the first comment was posted. Your poem touched me and was painfully familiar. Thank you for your gracious words Kitten. I'm sure we'll meet again. :-)

( Posted by: Penelope [Member] On: November 10, 2003 )

Back
My computer has been off-and-on for weeks, but I think it may be officially functioning again. And just in time!

Using the Washer scale, I'm giving this one the win and the 10. A very good job, and I liked the counterplays within the lines. Good rhythm, good everything. Still, I remember reading Spudley's flickering channels a while ago, and I'm going crazy seeing all these poems badmouthing TV. What about cartoons? Ack. Chiming in to give you the win.

( Posted by: Washer [Member] On: November 11, 2003 )

dryer
I wondered where you'd got to. Thanks for dropping by and thank you very much for the 10!! woo! woo!! Yes, I know your normal scoring scheme Washer but it still gives me a thrill.
*very happy Pen*

( Posted by: Penelope [Member] On: November 11, 2003 )

So True...
Penelope, I really enjoyed this. It's amazing, as others have said, how you made this rhyme and still make it sould like real "channel surfing"
I'm rating this a 9/10.

( Posted by: AdamR [Member] On: November 11, 2003 )

AdamR
I'm happy to hear you related. Thanks! Sometimes the truth isn't pleasant huh? :-)

( Posted by: Penelope [Member] On: November 11, 2003 )

Bloody fantastic!
What a terrific poem! I loved it -- and I'm so damn jealous because I don't think I could ever pull off something like this. How you pulled off some of these lines and rhymes is utterly beyond me. I'm flabbergasted, to be honest.

You had my attention from start to finish, chuckling at times, gasping at others. A fun, exciting (to me; I may be odd), fascinating poem.

You get the full 10/10 from me. Bravo.

( Posted by: Boy Howdy [Member] On: November 12, 2003 )

Howdy
When I am annoyed about something and TV does annoy me, I use humour (usually sardonic/sarcastic/bleak humour to create more of an edge and amuse myself in the process. This was one of those times.
Thanks very much. I'm happy you received it so well. I think I'll just call it my ranting rap attack! The 10? Wow!! yipppeee!!! woo woo!!! :-)

( Posted by: Penelope [Member] On: November 12, 2003 )

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