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Lets chop down the statue of liberty to prevent terrorism.

Lets blow up the moon to see what stars lie behind it.

Lets all go insane as your actions pick at our brain.

Necessity is the reason for your treason.

------
Con-quest-a-dor


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Comments

The following comments are for "Treason Amerika"
by Cordle

Hey
I liked this poem. A little short, but to the point. A few things.

There are rhymes within the line on the last two lines, but I can't see any on the first two. Is this a form I don't know (and there are hundreds), are there rhymes I'm missing, why'd you choose it?

The second line reminded me of a favorite Looney Tunes episode, where Marvin Martian needs to blow up the Earth because it obstructs his view of Venus.

You didn't include apostrophes. D'you have a reason for it, or just didn't catch it? Is there a reason the first three lines have let's, and the last doesn't.

And lastly, I don't know if this was a pun or joke I haven't seen, but the word "con-quest-a-dor" on your tag should read "con-quist-a-dor".

8/10. It was effective, and witty, and all that jazz.

( Posted by: Washer [Member] On: October 30, 2003 )

reply
Yes, I did forget apostrophes. This is a poem, and I never thought of giving structure to it. If it is not already a form (as there are hundreds) lets make it one. Here are the three rules.
1- The first word of the first three lines has to be the same.
2- The firt two lines can't contain a ryme in the verse and the last two lines must contain a rhyme in the verse.
3- Four or multiples thereof is the prescribed length.
Any suggestions for a name to call it?
"somone told me 'crappy'" but I dont really like the sound of that word. It lacks a certian 'raz'-'ma'-'taz'.

Nobody has ever asked about Con-quest-a-dor. I guess they assumed I could not spell. They were right. Despite wanting to be a writer my spelling is horrid. This "tag" reminds me of the flaw in my "quest" to conquer the english language. As well as a million other flaws we posses as humans. Its sort of soil for ideas to grow out of, yet it isn't they only place I pland my crop. Here the jabber ends.

Thank you for your comment.
Jim

( Posted by: cordle [Member] On: October 30, 2003 )

comment
Too simplistic for me and didn't pack any punch considering the topic.

( Posted by: gomarsoap [Member] On: October 30, 2003 )

Allowance
The simplicity of this poem is wonderful. I like the allowance it gives a reader to think in their own terms, with your few lines guidance. I think you'll do a good job of inventing new ideas :0)

( Posted by: MzJen1 [Member] On: November 14, 2003 )

Treason Amerika
I liked this poem! Jazzy, witty, but not pithy. Curious if you know that spelling words with a "k" usually connotates a comparison to either communism or fascism -- in this case I thought it was a clever allusion to Stalinist paranoia and the chaos that ensued post-WWII because of subsequent "witch-hunting".

( Posted by: hazelfaern [Member] On: January 31, 2004 )





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