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~This is..well, I am not sure what this is. It's half-poetry and half something else. Once you read it, you will be confused and probably be thinking- huh? That's what I thought. I wrote this sometime back when I was dazed, not really paying attention. And now, today, I feel like posting it. So here goes nothing.~

Now I see,
In the eyes of the divine lord himself,
Realizing the surroundings,
Which I had once seen blindly.

In this unreal world of
Chaos, war, destruction.
Love, faith, and hope.
We make such a reality
Of artificial concepts.

We exist outside of existance.
Not there, never was.
In a foggy cosmos
Clouded with illusions,
You can not tell.
But I can.

We, are the toys of the Supreme being,
And the other immortals.
Our existance is for serving-
To His pleasure.
Merely a riveting sensation, we are.

In our simulated world we reside,
Oblivious to the real truth.
The one no one knows about.
The one truth no one can understand.
And may never realize...


~Weird? I thought so. Don't try and beat yourself up trying to comprehend what message I am unknowingly giving you. Please. Oh, and review! I'd like to hear your comments, whether good or bad or confused.~

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The following comments are for "The Truth"
by Cryptic Rapture

not sure...
This piece really left me confused. Usually when I read something, I can tell if I like it or not, if it's good or not. It simply left me feeling weird, some part of me hating it, some part of me being hooked on it. Wow....

( Posted by: Dew Of Blood [Member] On: October 30, 2003 )

I understand what you're saying but I don't think you are saying it very well.

Your pre-poem comment about being dazed and not paying attention when you wrote this piece: maybe what you have here are notes for a poem that you haven't written yet.

( Posted by: gomarsoap [Member] On: October 31, 2003 )

I love the line "oblivious to the truth, the one no one knows about." ('real' truth seems redundant to me). This is the start of a great 'seeker' poem. You hit on some universals here, some 'real truth.' I agree with gomarsoap that this could be polished into something great! Real good start for just a daydream. Work on this one. You have something here. Add a few things that we can see, touch, taste, hear and smell and this will be top shelf poetry. Nice Work.
(P.S. thanks for your comment on When Men Fix Women. I commented on your comment.)

( Posted by: a.k.a. Sas [Member] On: November 5, 2003 )

Thanks for your comments people, I appreciate it. I shall work on this one, but I need more help. I need more suggestions on what to change, what I can add..etc. I am just an amateur writer, not very good. I could use more of your pointers. Thank you. I'll try to work on what gomarsoap and a.k.a Sas said. Though I am not sure when i'll post a revised edition. It might take till December, more or less, I don't know. Thanks for your comments again.

( Posted by: Cryptic Rapture [Member] On: November 6, 2003 )

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