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The lonely traveler walked down a winding dirt road. The night had swallowed him whole as he walked unaware of his surroundings. He walked thinking of food and of drink, his thoughts were simple and common. As he walked a silent shadow rose from the dark abyss of time. The air grew cold as the man walked, he focused on walking. He didnít notice much. He was older and his stomach had more control then his mind did. The shadow that stalked him grew larger in the full moons light. The man turned at the sound of a breaking stick, he stopped and watched for more then a few minutes before moving on. He quickened his pace, he moved still unaware of the dark shadow that was slowly took form behind him. The darkness that fell like a blanket all around the man gave no security, it gave no hope. He grew afraid but he continued to walk, he feared to look back, but he feared not to. The shadow thought that the opportune time to take the man had arisen. It flew above, inside and around. The man fell slowly, fighting the darkness. He grew very cold as the shadow flew into him. He felt himself giving himself away. He watched himself fall as the Nameless fear took his life. He thought to himself that he must be dreaming. He must have been dreaming, anything else was totally out of the question. He saw his body laying limp on the cold road. His confusion was enormous as he rose into the sky. He looked down at the road, he had been so close to home. He saw for the first time as the shadow rose, he called to it, he screamed in anger.

The man tried his hardest to return, he fought death itself, he fought against reality, and he fought against time. The shadow watched with pleasure as the man fought. The Nameless death laughed as the man took his anger out on lonely travelers. The man was no longer a man. He had become darkness itself. He had become the shadow in the night. He never would walk home again.

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The following comments are for "The Shadow"

Near miss
this is not bad, but it needs more clarity in the narrative. It hints at being very poetic and highly symbolic, but we never find outwhat it is symbolic of. It could be fear but the fear never ocmes through. The try rewriting it with the walker being more personified and more particular. Other than that your writing is very clear and smooth and you have a handle on good description. Keep Writing!


( Posted by: susanb55 [Member] On: October 26, 2003 )

i rewrote parts
hey thanks for the criticism i rewrote it, i really didnt spend that much time on it because im writing a bigger piece and wanted something to take my mind of some stuff i reposted it as the shadow part 2 read it when it comes back


( Posted by: DEMONeyesBLUE [Member] On: October 26, 2003 )

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