People long for acceptance. They fear of being abandonedÖ
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She longs to be abandoned. She yearns to venture into what people refuse to see. She does it the worse way she can to be abandoned. And yes, she succeeded.
She rebelled against everything she could not accept. She simply lived in a world of her own. The strangest of all is she likes it! She does not want to bother what people will think of her. She refuses to see things from other peopleís point of view. You can say she is one of the most selfish people in this world. The more you want her to accomplish a certain thing, the more she will not do it. The more you push on her, the more she will defy.
But no one can do anything to her. She only accepts her own world. She only wants to live in her own world. It is where she can twist and change things into what she wants to see. You can say she lives in a lie. But you can never change her. She does not bother what her life is, because to her, she has lost almost everything. The things that she still owns, does not make motivate her to carry high hopes in them anymore. Donít people say the higher your expectations, the worse your disappointments?
No, she has not lost almost everything in actual fact. At least she is given someone who will cover all she had lost. But she is reluctant to even let this special one help her. She prefers to do things on her own. She thinks the harder she falls, the better she will remember the lessons. She is a forgetful girl. Yes, I do agree it is a weird theory. But sometimes, weird theories have some form of truth in it, donít they?
No, she is not a bad child. She just wants some space. In fact, a lot of space and freedom. It is important to her and she yearns to control her own life. She does not like the idea of letting others control her life through some orders and rules she has to obey.
She believes in herself and what she wants. She rebels, not to get attention but to have her say in life, in her own life, whether or not it is wrong.
But defying and ignoring the care and concern she gets from others, she has practically driven them away. They gave up on explaining to her how certain things should be and will be. They started getting disappointed in her. They might even feel bad themselves, after talking to her because she makes them think and worry. A jinx living a lie. That is why she has nothing more to lose. That is why she couldnít be bothered to give another try in life. That is why people say she keeps repeating her mistakes. That is why people think she is silly to think she already know what life is all about to be left alone Ė which is what she wants badly, to be abandoned.
She is on the edge. Almost abandoned herself. If you donít love yourself, how do you expect others to love you? By abandoning herself, she has driven people who care for her away. To them, she thought, she must have been a scary monster. But she needed time to be on her own to be left to do things she likes and want to. To be left to search for answers she needs to know. It is the only way she will stand again, to be loved by others. Someday, she knows she will find the answers to life, whether it will be tough or just a swift ride; she will endure and see through it alone. Yes, to some people, solitude is torturing. But to her solitude is how she can clear her doubts and perhaps become a better person without having others to explain and worry for her. She is a human being too. She knows it is not right to let your love ones worry so frequently. It is better for her to leave them for awhile to search for a solution. She will perhaps be able to reason out her thoughts better without interruptions. Perhaps she will find a reason to stay. Someday she will find strength to go back to whom loves her most and abandon the need to be abandoned, to be free.
Ps. Sometimes people donít abandon themselves and become rebellious because they want to. Sometimes, it is because they feel people donít understand them. Or, they think they are not good enough to be around. So they need to be left alone to sort their thoughts out. A little space for themselves is a good way to find answers to their questions and confusions. Someday, they will eventually return to you with a greater love than you had for them. They will eventually find the strength to return into your arms again.