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I'm clawing thtrough the clouds
I can't see through this mist
- & the scars you left, everywhere,
In each place that you kissed.

It's hard to find religion.
Hard to be at peace.
For every word you ever spoke
Is caught in my Tangled Fleece.

I'm still counting my breaths.
Life has turned so pale
All the things I used to love
Have started to get stale.

Some things never change,
Believe me, I should know.
I thought it was time to love
But it was time to grow.

Theres no point in lamenting,
Though that's all I seem to do.
I must find the garden,
& I cannot wait for you.


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The following comments are for "Tangled Fleece"
by Edens_wench

That was very good

( Posted by: suez-q [Member] On: October 21, 2003 )

very nice
I particularly liked lines 3 & 4 of the 4th stanza but wonder whether the 3rd line needs "that" between "thought" and "it" or the word "the" between "was" and "time". It still works as it is and has a softer sound I think. Maybe someone else can give you another perspective. Everywhere else has nice rhyming but the continuity between lines 2 and 3 of stanza 1 might be improved. You're clawing, can't see. Line 3 could start with "blinded" so it flows from the previous line. Good title, nice mood. Captured the essence with a mixture of innocence and worldliness.

( Posted by: smithy [Member] On: October 29, 2003 )

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