She has told her story ample times. But here she is with the same story in her hands. The vicious cycle of memories comes back for her. Abandoned memories hidden back in the dark corner of her mind eats into her. She was a girl who loved dresses. Beautiful dresses that she can dance in like a princess, her dad's little princess. She loved rocking in her dad's laps, listening to stories her dad has to tell. Stories of old tales she has never heard of; she loves his rough voice. She loves him for carrying her back to bed whenever she falls asleep in the car. She loves reading fairy tales; those that ended with "happily ever after". But "happily ever after" never did happen to her. Not at least for the seventeen years she had been living.
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Days were never the same, things takes a different form in a blink of an eye. Reality changes constantly. She had to stop living like a princess. Everything that she once possessed will be taken away from her, right in front of her very eyes. That is how cruel reality can be. That is how cruel reality is. She had to learn more about life. Life isn't meant to be easy.
Voices huanted her. Voices that tears her soul, that allowed her to cry to sleep everynight. Her parents fought deep in the night regularly. Her parents fought for her to stay with them, only one of them. They tore her apart. Who was she to follow? She would rather leave alone.
Sights disappointed her. She could no longer bear what meets her eyes. Her dad attempted suicide by popping a handful of pills into his mouth. He lied in bed, waiting to die. She couldn't get him up no matter how hard she pulls. But she never gave up, she continued using all her strength to pull her beloved dad up. By then, she was choking in tears. She couldn't believe the little princess's hero is going to leave her alone. He is going to break the promise of protecting her.
Pleasent scents will never be present to lure her into the fairy tale world she lived in so long ago. She discovered how reality stinks, how it stings. Anything can happen anytime. It is best to expect the worse. Sometimes, even the worse isn't bad enough. Sometimes, they keep on happening.
She tasted the worse that could happen as a girl. She had to learn it the hard way because no one else will be present coach her, to see through the worse with her. Her dad is gone, he will never be back. Her mom suffers from paranoia. She has no one to depend on. She learns how to manipulate life herself. Solitude is essential to her. It is a provider to a quiet hostel where she stays for a few nights in contemplation. She yearns for freedom, independence and understanding. But no one can give her that.
At seventeen, she had nothing to lose - because she had lost it all. She had lost her family, her love and her hopes and dreams. She struggled to fight back in life. Her determination was her only strength and hope. But the shattered dreams continued to haunt her. She knows, someday, what she has will be eventually taken away from her. The only solution is to cherish before it's gone.
The freedom she gained was from the ignorance of what people might say about her. The backstabbings and the gossips were a bunch of lies that cannot end because people constantly need some form of entertainment in this mundane life.
Understandings were of respect from her friends, for her strength to withstand all that she went through in life.
And independence was the way she refused to depend on anyone. She refused to owe anyone anything. She refused to rely on someone, even one who will never fall. She had seen how morning glories wither because they could no longer find their support. She did not want to become one of them.
There is a blank page in her memory, a blank page in her diary. This is where she pauses, she stops. This is where she notices her shattered tender dreams rendered her depressions. It is a trick to disrupt her path and blocked out the lights. It reminded her of the tantalising dreams she once had. It left a scar in her, but only made her stronger. It made her understand the need for hope, dreams and strength to be a survivor. These obstacles never attempt to kill, they just make you stronger.
Her shattered tender dreams of childhood has turned her into a young lady. A young lady with more to learn. With more dreams to lose later on in life but more valuable memories and lessons to keep in life.
ps. May you have many shattered tender dreams that will make each of you stronger. ;)