Lit.Org - a community for readers and writers Advanced Search

Average Rating

(3 votes)

RatingRated by

You must login to vote

I look up at the midnight sky.
(it's as empty as it ever was)
No answers lay within the growing black.
Feet lull over a darkened path,
with an angry scratch.

My heart was dismantled bit by bit
(I wonder if you know if it's by your hand)

I look to the trees.
(they whisper to me of better times)

I hear stories of the times we shared.
(runing through imaginary treetops)
They resonate like a wrecking ball in my mind.
I reach my hands up to my ears,
grasp my skull.
The tears fall from me like
migrating birds.
They are desperate to escape,
my screaming mind.

I fall upon the grass.
It touches me like you did once.
I feel your caress in the soft blades,
roll over on the ground.
I want to see the sky again.
I want to think somewhere you see it too.

So in someway, it's me and you tonight.
I can't take this.

"God grant me distraction."

Related Items


The following comments are for "Hiatus"
by Darkshine Raven

The eleventh line down should be "running". I can't spell.

( Posted by: Darkshine Raven [Member] On: October 14, 2003 )

I ran across this poem on that bulletin board thingy before you posted it here. I liked it then and like it now.

As far as your hiatus, you might stick around here. If you're going through hard emotional times this site might be one of the more important things for you to hold on to. Especially if, as you say, you've been writing alot. At the other end of these tapped-out words there really are people of flesh & blood that appreciate you and care for you because you are you.

( Posted by: gomarsoap [Member] On: October 14, 2003 )

Thank you for your kind words about my poem. I think this is the first time you've really liked one of mine, huh? =D

As far as sticking around, I plan on doing that here at I'm gonna stop posting on the bbs for a while though. It takes too much time that I don't have right now and I just don't have the energy for huge debates about the merits of poems and stories. It's a bit smaller around here, mosre close-knit. So I'm sticking with this. You're right about what you said.

However, I don't think I'll be posting and submitting as much work as I did in the past. I'll be here though. =D

( Posted by: Darkshine Raven [Member] On: October 14, 2003 )

I'm glad to see that you'll be around here, Darkshine. :)

The poem: I liked it. Dark and sad, but with a sensual feel. Very good.

( Posted by: Elphaba [Member] On: October 14, 2003 )

This poem has a good feel and touches the reader.
gomarsoap-thats a nice comment-it's good to hear

( Posted by: suez-q [Member] On: October 14, 2003 )

Thank you Elpha and suez, and everyone just once more for commenting on my work in the past. Our lives are not complete without our friends, so I know I have to stick around. I feel my writing has imporved enormously since I started here a few months ago. You are all awesome. =D

( Posted by: Darkshine Raven [Member] On: October 15, 2003 )


As I was reading this poem, I felt a sadness in it. Over-all, I loved it; A very nice, yet moving poem.



( Posted by: JEANNIE45 [Member] On: October 16, 2003 )

This seems odd, but I'm glad you felt sadness in it. It is meant to be a very sad poem written by a very sad poet. I'm glad it moved you! =D

( Posted by: Darkshine Raven [Member] On: October 16, 2003 )


This is an excellent poem. You've written about love and loss without resorting to cheap cliche, and have instilled pain and sadness into your words without the touch of a heavy hand.

There is a certain sense of echoes in the poem, where each sensation happening in the real world sets off a returning echo of memory. The asides that you've inserted work marvellously. Keep up the good work, I'll be looking for more.


( Posted by: Bartleby [Member] On: October 27, 2003 )

Thank you Bart, I love the poems I write when I'm very emotional that end up being well liked. I'm glad you enjoyed it. =D

( Posted by: Darkshine Raven [Member] On: October 27, 2003 )

Add Your Comment

You Must be a member to post comments and ratings. If you are NOT already a member, signup now it only takes a few seconds!

All Fields are required

Commenting Guidelines:
  • All comments must be about the writing. Non-related comments will be deleted.
  • Flaming, derogatory or messages attacking other members well be deleted.
  • Adult/Sexual comments or messages will be deleted.
  • All subjects MUST be PG. No cursing in subjects.
  • All comments must follow the sites posting guidelines.
The purpose of commenting on Lit.Org is to help writers improve their writing. Please post constructive feedback to help the author improve their work.