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7.75

(4 votes)


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8chapter1
8False Dawn
5macman202
10SiCk_LeBy

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Voices
April 28th, 1998

Hearing voices in my head
They tell me to do what they say
No control over what i do
They invade and down i go
No control over what i say
They are constantly here
Watching for my every move
Making sure i stay in line
I look in the mirror
They show me what to see
What they want me to know
Hide the truth
Release the pain

------
http://www.eyescovered.com
...i close my eyes in order to see...


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Comments

The following comments are for "Voices"
by eyescovered

Kewl Poem
Hey, I think your poem is cool and stuff...got anymore?

( Posted by: SiCk_LeBy [Member] On: February 10, 2004 )

Repetition
The repetition really didn't do it for me. I think it would have been better without it. Also, I think the tone needs changing - either it needs to be more emotional or more detached, instead of how it is at the moment, sitting on the fence between the two. A nice idea though. It's good to write about the voices in your head once in a while because it makes people think you're mad :) hehe

( Posted by: False Dawn [Member] On: February 11, 2004 )

Tone
I agree with False Dawn; I think the tone needs some primping in order to truly connect the emotions in the poem with the reader. Maybe use more combative language.

( Posted by: macman202 [Member] On: February 11, 2004 )





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