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The singing of fish
in black water
beneath the dark sky of night
the stars way up there
and the fool that I am
floating here
in a red steel rowboat
eyes weak & squinting
my heart like the moon
breaking open like a cabbage
just trying to be myself
& the fish just fish
& the moon just a moon
& cabbages just cabbages.

(haiku version)

Fish don't sing,
your heart is not a cabbage,
& yet...

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The following comments are for "FISHING AT NIGHT"
by gomarsoap

fish n' cabbages
It's true that fish don't sing but . . . split like a cabbage. I'm confused.

But, damn, I like those last three lines. It's always the last three lines that separate crap from mediocrity and mediocrity from glory.

( Posted by: Viper9 [Member] On: October 9, 2003 )

perfect sense
It makes sense & no sense. Ain't that the way of the world? I do recognize the Beatles reference. I wasn't much into the Beatles but that koo koo katchoo part caught my ear. I live not too far from a troubled nuclear power plant on Lake Erie. If that baby melts down I do hope the fish have wings to flee that boiling body of water. And I have seen flying fish out on the ocean. They actually fly in flocks. A beautiful sight.

Viper 9: thanks for the imput. It's just a simple poem about feeling kind of blue while fishing at night in a rowboat on a small black lake in Indiana. Alone with one's thoughts. I, too, thought it might be a little confusing but hoped it wouldn't be. Maybe I can fix it. Probably not.

( Posted by: gomarsoap [Member] On: October 10, 2003 )

Like a cartoon
Unfolding in my head: the image of a fish-person floating in a red steel boat on a sea of cabbages. Not-quite-sad and funny all at once. It's telling me to "Bring your own interpretation!"

( Posted by: ae [Member] On: October 10, 2003 )

cabbage made of tightly packed leaves

Geese call in an autumn sky.
An old woman
breaks open a cabbage.

( Posted by: gomarsoap [Member] On: October 10, 2003 )

This poem is alittle confusing to me, but I like it because of this. I agree with Viper9 about the last three lines - I love them they tie the whole poem up into one simple message...

( Posted by: Mandi [Member] On: October 11, 2003 )

so much by this one. of course the heart breaks open like a cabbage... all those crunchy, dense layers. yes. red steel rowboat: beautiful. oddly, that image took me to the famous old red wheelbarrow, slick with rain (and moonlit cabbages) beside the white chickens. i am not confused, just enraptured. don't fix it.

( Posted by: ark [Member] On: November 5, 2003 )

yeah, don't change this
The first poem is superb. The haiku version borrows too much from Issa's

This dewdrop world -
it may be a dewdrop
and yet, and yet...

the haiku you injected, beginning

"Geese call in an open sky"

is also really good. You should post it separately - another ribbon for your chest, man.


( Posted by: johnlibertus [Member] On: March 31, 2004 )

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