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There was an old guy who lived in an apartment building and his bedroom window had torn, moth-eaten, sun-rotted curtains. He was a lonely old bastard and he masturbated frequently.

About a hundred yards away there was another apartment building where a young girl lived. She had a pair of binoculars and one day she was looking through them and saw the old guy through his ratty curtains laying on the bed. She focused in and suddenly realized the old guy was doing "you know what."

The young girl lived there for about three years and every month or so she would see the old guy jacking off. It would always disgust her because he was old and fat and unappealing but she could never stop looking until he was done.

Then one day the old guy got new curtains.

The young girl still looked through her binoulars but she couldn't see into the old guy's bedroom window anymore.

She didn't know why but it kind of bothered her in that somehow she felt a sense of loss.


The following comments are for "THE OLD GUY"
by gomarsoap

Where you trying to say something with this or do where you just trying to be different? For what it's worth, I like the storytelling in this piece, it was very smooth. However, I think that I felt at a loss about the story because it was not very well developed. If you expanded on this I think it'd be a much better tale. =D

( Posted by: Darkshine Raven [Member] On: October 5, 2003 )

Show me don't tell me
It has potential. I'd suggest fleshing out the characters and use their actions to display the points you're trying to make instead of just stating it.

( Posted by: capulet [Member] On: October 5, 2003 )

d. raven/capulet
Thank you both for commenting. I was trying to tell a story as minimally as possible, therefore no fleshing out of characters. I wanted it to be a vignette, a very small drama of everyday life.

What I'm trying to say is to comment on how distant we are from one another in this often-times sterile society and our loss of intimacy. And it's also kind of a perverted take on Beauty & The Beast.

( Posted by: gomarsoap [Member] On: October 7, 2003 )

Pleasure in Disgust
I know people who find a sort of morbid pleasure in things they find disgusting. This was quite a nice catalyst-loss example of that. Well written.

( Posted by: gaschamberblues [Member] On: October 7, 2003 )

Flash Fiction
I agree with gaschamberblues
it's weird but true

( Posted by: suez-q [Member] On: October 14, 2003 )

original and good
From the girl in the miniskirt:

"How dare you look
at what I'm showing you"

Ever read about the Voodoo God of the Dead, Ghede? He likes to mock people who pretend they're indifferent to sexual matters. You ought to run an internet search on the name, you'd love it.


( Posted by: johnlibertus [Member] On: March 31, 2004 )

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