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Hello, I am Zopple and this in Mijaba my friend. You earthlings might think our names are quite weird. Well we came from planet Zobwa. Ok yes we are called aliens(on your planet) but we prefer you call us by our names or Zobinins. Zobinins who are women are green and the men are purple. We change colors by our mood but those are what Zobinins colors boys and girls and born with. Beware we can become invisible, fly in the air on our own, we have great hearing, we have sticky hands and feet, and we communicate by brain waves. This is one of our adventures to your planet.

First we where playing a friendly game off fly tag. I was it and so I saw Mijaba and I would go tag except there was a black hole in back of her that we didnít see. So we went through this black hole and landed in the earthís atmosphere. I wanted to see what a weird planet that was so we flew down there.. As soon as I got down there earthlings came up and started staring, screaming, and running away. So we became invisible and all of that stopped. Then our powers where getting lower and we where getting more visible so we ran for it. I asked Mijaba how are we losing our powers(in my brain). He replied because this planet is polluted we canít get of here unless someone comes to us or we take care of that problem.

So we are stranded! No we have school tomorrow you know school is the greatest! I guess we have to show these earthlings how to take care of their planet. So we showed ourselves in 10 minutes we where caught by the FBI(I think) and where put in an observatory glass. Why do earthlings have to be so cruel to us? We where trying to help. So we are stranded in a glass tank!

I sent a brain wave out to a earthling to only give us fresh air because we could not survive with out it (yeah right). They did what we commanded and so we became invisible and they did not see us so they opened the door at that moment we flew as fast as we could out of the tank and out of the atmosphere!! OK now we have to find the black hole hmm maybe it was on the other side of the planet. No. Wow, my fellow Zobinins do care about Mijaba and I they arrived with a ship to take us back to the planet. So first we where stranded know we are saved!!!



------
Olivia



Comments

The following comments are for "Zobinins"
by Olivia743

?
What were you thinking as you wrote this? It's not particularly inventive or descriptive, it doesn't really have a point, and the whimsical tone I think you were shooting for falls far short. I'm sorry to be so harsh, but this one really didn't grip me. Also, try to avoid writing entirely in the present tense like that. It raises the question of how one is able to write, think, and perform actions simultaneously.

( Posted by: Washer [Member] On: October 6, 2003 )

Oops
My comments regarding the piece remain. It's still pretty sloppy. But I didn't realize you were twelve. Major apologies are in order. I've reread stories from when I was younger, and I'm astonished at how much I improved. Keep trying, and don't let me discourage you. You're sure to develop fully with hard work and observation.

( Posted by: Washer [Member] On: October 6, 2003 )





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