Lit.Org - a community for readers and writers Advanced Search

Average Rating

(2 votes)

RatingRated by

You must login to vote

See the moon it radiates
And see the stars magical glow,
Shining down upon all dreams,
And yet we dream of different dreams.
My love for you floats
Across the lands and distant shores,
Waiting for you to find it
Waiting for you to take it in your hands
If you should find it,
A treasure that I give to you.
Take it to your heart,
Feel it beat against your own,
Feel its rhythm it beats in time
A treasure I give to you.
See the days intertwine into nights,
Until there is no time to separate,
But only our hearts inflamed,
Counting the nothingness that is time.

Related Items


The following comments are for "A treasure I give to you"
by savaf

Not bad - has some good things in it. I think the best part is from line #11 (Take it to your heart) to the very end.

I think you should consider changing line #2 - "the stars magical glow" is kind of ordinary and over-used. Although I've learned that the very beginning of a poem is sometimes the very hardest to revise because that's how you get into it in the first place.

( Posted by: gomarsoap [Member] On: September 30, 2003 )

Add Your Comment

You Must be a member to post comments and ratings. If you are NOT already a member, signup now it only takes a few seconds!

All Fields are required

Commenting Guidelines:
  • All comments must be about the writing. Non-related comments will be deleted.
  • Flaming, derogatory or messages attacking other members well be deleted.
  • Adult/Sexual comments or messages will be deleted.
  • All subjects MUST be PG. No cursing in subjects.
  • All comments must follow the sites posting guidelines.
The purpose of commenting on Lit.Org is to help writers improve their writing. Please post constructive feedback to help the author improve their work.