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Tall and dark he stood
Within my memory cold
I shivered as I watched him
My soul withered and old.

The stranger walked my memory trails
Ravaging my mind
I did not know from whence he came
He wasn't of my kind.

He loomed so large, so dark, so rare
That I shivered as with chill
I did not know for what he came
But feared he bode me ill.

The stranger took my pride and peace
My sanctity and life
He left me naught but fear and death
He left me naught but strife.

My quest for peace consumes my days
And quietly steals my time
The stranger sits and broods within
I'm a captive of my mind.



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Comments

The following comments are for " The Stranger"
by witchy woman

thought-provoking
I thought of Alzheimer's when I read this. That's what I think it must be like. Or maybe MPD!

( Posted by: Viper9 [Member] On: September 17, 2003 )

You didn't like my poem?
This is my first attempt, Viper and may not be as good as your stuff but it wasn't about Alzheimer's.

( Posted by: witchy woman [Member] On: September 17, 2003 )

I liked it
spoke to me of the surviving of abuse of some kind.
Don't take it personally if thats not your start point just what I see in the piece.
very nice poem. If it is about abuse you remove some of the horror of it with the rhyme. but leave the presence.

( Posted by: jukeboxhero [Member] On: September 17, 2003 )

Alright!
Ok, Iguess its not as bad as I thought it might be! That's sort of where my head was at - abuse, depression, things that you find get in your way - baggage if you know what I mean. Thanks!

( Posted by: witchy woman [Member] On: September 17, 2003 )

Passable
This wasn't bad - for a new and fledgling "writer". There is of course the habitual need to throw in anachronistic language ("naught", "bode" etc) and the done to inhumane death rhymes (cold/old, life/strife) but those will lessen in time and with practice. The important thing is that you had something to say and you said it.

You said it clearly and concisely. The image that you used to convey this is not one that I would have chosen but that is why the good Laird made us individual. There may be some promise in you...but I will reserve judgement until I see more.

( Posted by: Enforced Bliss [Member] On: September 17, 2003 )

No no no
Please don't misunderstand: I enjoyed the poem a lot -- i was just pondering over what it might be about.

Good poem!

( Posted by: Viper9 [Member] On: September 21, 2003 )

That strange Stranger
Cassandra,

Been looking through your posts, before I get onto this one, I think your first 'trailer park' was good and suffered from the enforced rewrites.

Now this one, I liked this and it left a lot for the imagination to play with, however, I think you should completly scrap the first stanza and start the new first stanza with 'A stranger walked my memory trails'.

This makes the poetry exceptional, the first stanza seems out of place, in a different rythme, and also not necessary... was it added afterwards?

A little work on the last line of the poetry might help to get it's rhyme and meaning more clear also.

Well I have to be serious sometimes....

Have Fun,

Ivor


( Posted by: ivordavies [Member] On: March 15, 2006 )

WitchyWoman's The Stranger
I had to take a quick peek at your poetry since you were kind enough to comment on my collaboration with Dirtyoldman.

I like this. I'm going to keep my comments brief, but I want to make sure you know I am planning on reading all of your poems. I think anyone who takes the time to comment on my poetry deserves the same in return, especially since my time is so limited.

( Posted by: Legs [Member] On: August 2, 2006 )

Thanks Legs!!
You are a sucker for self inflicted punishment because my early stuff is awful! Thanks anyway - I do enjoy your writing but your comments are truly fun - your tongue in cheek irreverency is refreshing.

( Posted by: witchy woman [Member] On: August 4, 2006 )





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