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Twas a dusty day in Autumnton
when Jed rode into town.
his spurs were dusty, his chaps were torn.
His spirits on the ground.

What brought him here was so unknown.
His presence was unsure.
All beleived within their hearts
His motives were not pure.
.

The heavens opened, lightening cracked
And angels stood around.
No one blinked they all declared
But Jed was not around.

Be warned, my friends and do not err
For none may be aware
You may bespeak of angels
Who visit unaware.



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Comments

The following comments are for " The Wrangler"
by The demure 1

The Wrangler
I liked this very much. I think it is straight to the point. Keep up the good work.

( Posted by: cowgirl [Member] On: September 13, 2003 )

I concur...
...with Pen.
(We agree on something! Yay!)

There did seem to be a large chunk of the 'story' missing. Why did the Angels come for Jed, assuming they did. What was he doing there?
I'd like to point out some spelling errors too:
'beleived' should be believed. Sorry, the word stands out because it was the only word in my GCSE spelling that I got wrong!
And 'lightening' is spelled lightning.

I imagined this as a camp fire song, with a banjo/acoustic accompaniment.

Good so far, but needs work in the middle...
6/10.

Jasmine
-X-

( Posted by: Jasmine [Member] On: September 13, 2003 )

Golly
I liked this poem very much -- especially the vague open-end nature of itr so i can make up my own story to go along with the words in the poem. I was a little bit confused but thats good!

( Posted by: Viper9 [Member] On: September 13, 2003 )

Confusing
I'm torn. While I enjoyed the galloping rhythm of your stanzas and the world-weary tone of admonition, I have no idea what went on. Were the angels after Jed's soul? Were there angels at all?

Help us, Demure! We need your guidance!

( Posted by: Boy Howdy [Member] On: September 13, 2003 )

Wow!
I thought the imagery in the piece was startling, almost laser like, but at times unsure - I am sure Demure intended that - posed on a precipice and then back to the steadiness rythym of the poem. This could be the start of something big.

( Posted by: wally 5 [Member] On: September 13, 2003 )

my little poem
Gee - the lack of spell check makes a difference. I do really know how to spell!
I intentially left heavenly revelations as they always are - confusing, sudden and most unexepected. Now you see him - now you don't! Thanks for the encoourgement!

( Posted by: the demure 1 [Member] On: September 13, 2003 )

OK!
This is odd - but were you influenced by the death of Johnny Cash?

( Posted by: witchy woman [Member] On: September 13, 2003 )

Hello
I hadn't thought of that and was perpelexed by my poem as anything western is not my style at all. It just seemed to have to be written. I had been saddened by the news so who knows? Strange isn't it? One never knows who their muse is!

( Posted by: the demure 1 [Member] On: September 13, 2003 )

The Wrangler
Wendy,

I have just spent an enjoyable half hour reading your poetry after reading your post 'The Call'

I enjoy your style and form along with the messages you give. I have picked this one to comment on as I think it is one of your best and displays creativity and depth of mind.

Apart from the use of Autumnton, which is a poem in itself and the line by itself is beautiful:

'Twas a dusty day in Autumnton'

as I was saying I love the way you painted an intriguing picture, holding imagination, then hit us with the event! This left is wondering and amazed.

To then go on to analyse and advise was brilliant, and a style I try to use myself. You leave the reader with feelings, emotions and the desire to learn from your words.

Thank you for this and your other poetry, I feel in this one you have captured a style that suits you and we would all benefit if you were to pursue this philosophical and interesting style in the future, (along with you other poetry styles of course).

Many thanks for excellent poetry,

Ivor

( Posted by: ivordavies [Member] On: July 17, 2004 )

Autumnton!
Written in 2003, I commented in 2004 after reading all your posts....it has been years.

This is still a favorite of mine.... now I'm off to revisit the Call!

Ivor

( Posted by: ivordavies [Member] On: March 13, 2006 )





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