Lit.Org - a community for readers and writers Advanced Search
 




Average Rating
9.33

(3 votes)


RatingRated by
10Unknown
10Unknown
8Unknown

You must login to vote

Bright, clear, cold.
Newly fallen snow crunching underfoot
As I walk to where I should be.
With you, in your arms, all I can think is
'What did I do to deserve this?'
We share our thoughts, our dreams
About the future and what it might be.
In the brief time we've been together
We're closer than I could have ever hoped to be.
You are everything I hoped you would be
Strong, caring, so sure of yourself.
I want you to know that I may love you
But it's too soon to tell.
I'm still shaken over the last and how that hurt
And I thank you for standing by through this.
At the very least, I care deeply for you
And what you mean to me.


Related Items

Comments

The following comments are for "New Beginnings"
by Xlnt_1

this will...
this will make someone happy! Smooth expression, clear emotion and a joy to read.

-Lisa

( Posted by: scryer [Member] On: September 16, 2003 )

effective
I really liked this one. It seems honest and unsure, and it's the uncertainty that prevents it from feeling contrived. Excellent work.

But you should add "me" to line fifteen.

( Posted by: Viper9 [Member] On: September 17, 2003 )

Viper
Thanks for the suggestion. I have a habit of forgetting rather important words when I get going on my writing.

( Posted by: Xlnt_1 [Member] On: September 17, 2003 )

This is wonderful!
This poem glows with honesty and feeling. You feel as you read it which seems to me what good poetry should do. I could feel the trepidation and the uncertainty that comes with being posed on the brink of new love. This is really good. I enjoyed this poem very much.

( Posted by: the demure 1 [Member] On: September 17, 2003 )

Wonderful
Wonderful. A heartfelt piece of work. It's soaked with sweat and tears.

( Posted by: Boy Howdy [Member] On: October 8, 2003 )

taste
depends on one's taste... I don't know if it was willed to be written as simple as i is, like a mushy love letter on a tissue paper.

For sure a girl in love will dig this, but the poetry teacher will not. Unless the simplicity is willed to be so it may not qualify as peoetic. Besides if it was willed to sound that way, the title should have been given more weight. It captures the reality of commitment and the question of when to say I love you.. a problem so contemporary that people can relate too. In that sense it fine. I give it a six point five of ten... but it could have been made better.

( Posted by: webguy [Member] On: March 27, 2004 )





Add Your Comment

You Must be a member to post comments and ratings. If you are NOT already a member, signup now it only takes a few seconds!

All Fields are required

Commenting Guidelines:
  • All comments must be about the writing. Non-related comments will be deleted.
  • Flaming, derogatory or messages attacking other members well be deleted.
  • Adult/Sexual comments or messages will be deleted.
  • All subjects MUST be PG. No cursing in subjects.
  • All comments must follow the sites posting guidelines.
The purpose of commenting on Lit.Org is to help writers improve their writing. Please post constructive feedback to help the author improve their work.


Username:
Password:
Subject:
Comment:





Login:
Password: