Lit.Org - a community for readers and writers Advanced Search
 




Average Rating
8.75

(4 votes)


RatingRated by
8Unknown
8Unknown
9Unknown
10Unknown

You must login to vote

Riding through the pit, at high noon.
We came across some fellas' on bikes, and my old man being who he was, went to have a little chat.
They talked, as I looked out the window of the old ford pickup truck. Seeing trees, animals and the sky, hills of dirt, that went very high.
I pondered over those hills, wondered how they got so big.
Twas' at that moment of thought, that the truck began to move.
Looking forward, I noticed we were headed straight for a sinkhole.
I thought to myself what is this man doing.
Though I was young and he was my father so there was nothing I could do to stop him.
He drove right into it thinking his truck could make it through.
Of course, that was not scenario to be played out.
We made it about half way through the sinkhole of mud and water.
Then, we started to sink.
I was not frantic or panicky.
I believe it was more anxious, to see how we were going to get out of this one.
Now, mud and water were filling up the inside of the cab. The men on bikes were shouting come on, you can do it, as we were sinking. It seemed as though none of them were going to help.
Then I heard one say let's pull em' out, they ain't goin' no wheres.
As we waited in the truck for the men to pull us out I began to feel scared.
Right then my dad said he loved me. It was ok then. Everything was going to be fine. As I look back now, I vaguely remember a chain breaking and the truck sinking deeper. Of course, I also remember driving away. Then making it home safely. A little shook up but safe again.

------
~Steven-Denmark~
____________________________________
"Remember Forever And Never Forget"


Related Items

Comments

The following comments are for "A Father's Dare"
by Rage2Fury

A Father's Dare
That second line got me. I knew exactly what the narrator was talking about when he said "and my old man, being who he was". By the time I got to the third sentence, it felt like I been reading for two paragraphs instead of two lines.

I'm not usually a fan of flash fiction, but the simple subject matter, the father son conflict, your choice of words, and their phrasing are just about on the money.

The last two or three sentences did not evoke as much imagery as the rest of the story.


Good Stuff

( Posted by: smokey [Member] On: September 6, 2003 )

True Story
Twas' actually a true story of my father and I, and one of our adventures through an old dirt pit. It was in the middle of the woods, he used to always think his truck could make it through anything!!!Not this time...

( Posted by: Rage2Fury [Member] On: September 6, 2003 )

Oh No!
If all of your stuff is as well written as this piece, we are all in trouble. You are too young to be able to write that well!
wonderful job, great character description and conversation. Conversation is diffacult to do properly, takes some practice. You however seem to have a firm grasp!

Good Stuff
-Lisa

( Posted by: scryer [Member] On: September 6, 2003 )

Thank-You
I am surprised myself, actually because I didn't think I could actually write it too good..But thank-you I am glad you think it is good, but it came from experience... *smiles*

( Posted by: Rage2Fury [Member] On: September 6, 2003 )

Too Young!!!!
I understand that I am pretty young to be writing too good of stuff, I mean usually I see older writers, dong good stories or writing great poems, but I guess I compare myself to them...

( Posted by: Rage2Fury [Member] On: September 7, 2003 )





Add Your Comment

You Must be a member to post comments and ratings. If you are NOT already a member, signup now it only takes a few seconds!

All Fields are required

Commenting Guidelines:
  • All comments must be about the writing. Non-related comments will be deleted.
  • Flaming, derogatory or messages attacking other members well be deleted.
  • Adult/Sexual comments or messages will be deleted.
  • All subjects MUST be PG. No cursing in subjects.
  • All comments must follow the sites posting guidelines.
The purpose of commenting on Lit.Org is to help writers improve their writing. Please post constructive feedback to help the author improve their work.


Username:
Password:
Subject:
Comment:





Login:
Password: