Lit.Org - a community for readers and writers Advanced Search
 




Average Rating
0.00

(0 votes)

You must login to vote



Head over feet,
Waiting for your call,
I stand by the phone,
And fall.

It's like being underwater,
But I can breath,
It's like needing to go,
But I can't leave.

It's like wrapped in fog,
And it only comes clear,
When I feel your presence,
And know you're here.

A bounce in my step,
A smile on my face,
Knowing in your heart,
That I hold first place.

I don't need anything
I have it all,
Every time I see you,
I fall.



Related Items

Comments

The following comments are for "I Fall"
by Matrix

Trust Me . . .
Smack yourself really hard in the head. Everything in this poem is recycled. I mean, love is one of the tenets of the human condition. How many ways can it possibly be conveyed? It's been done, and done better. (My only example, and most will disagree, is John Keats. Did I mention I don't read much poetry?)

I wrote a few poems of this sort as well when I had a girlfriend. I never showed them to her, and reading over them now, I understand why.

Sorry to be so harsh, but there is light at the end of the tunnel. Try writing about anything else at all and I'll comment. You have good rhythm I think, just picked a bad subject.

( Posted by: Washer [Member] On: August 31, 2003 )

EB
I've noticed that a lot of the people were quick to fall in behind you, myself included. It makes one feel stupid to be led so, and stupider to realize it makes sense. Still, just watch the trends, bliss. We're all your devotees now apparently, breats aside.

( Posted by: Washer [Member] On: August 31, 2003 )





Add Your Comment

You Must be a member to post comments and ratings. If you are NOT already a member, signup now it only takes a few seconds!

All Fields are required

Commenting Guidelines:
  • All comments must be about the writing. Non-related comments will be deleted.
  • Flaming, derogatory or messages attacking other members well be deleted.
  • Adult/Sexual comments or messages will be deleted.
  • All subjects MUST be PG. No cursing in subjects.
  • All comments must follow the sites posting guidelines.
The purpose of commenting on Lit.Org is to help writers improve their writing. Please post constructive feedback to help the author improve their work.


Username:
Password:
Subject:
Comment:





Login:
Password: