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The lightning flashed overhead. Isn't that a kickass starting line? Well, I live in a city that gets a lot of rain, so lightning comes with. So it fits. I could start a story any day, and it would always be raining. Good for atmosphere, I suppose. But damned if it doesn't depress you.

I'm seventeen today. I feel so unfinished. I read a lot. Some people thinks it makes me smart, but seriously, who are they kidding? Some of the things I read mention biographies, like they do in magazines. They have these little one-page articles about guys who started businesses or did stuff, you know, the kind of thing that people remember. My friends remember me. If I were gone, would they keep remembering though? Where's my lasting mark?

This is stupid. I mean, why worry about this stuff? I was sitting on the overpass over I-74 a while ago thinking the same things I'm thinking now. And I wanted to jump, to see if I could fly. Another overused line. I know I can't fly. But still, it just gets so depressing sometimes. I want to be a doer, one of those people motivational speakers use as examples. But I'm not. I'm thinking about running away. I make an inventory at night, trying to remember stuff. A sleeping bag, matches, shit like that. And a knife. My brother gave me one for my last birthday, but I haven't used it much. I guess I will soon.

Running away, to fly? Sure, to fly I guess. You can never be too sure though. What if I really can fly? There's only one way to find out. I don't want to die though. I wish I had a replacement me, so I could throw him off an overpass. But would he know to try and fly, or would he just flap his arms to make me happy? No way you can fly by flapping your arms. That's stupid.

The lightning flashed. The rain came down. It's not too depressing. It actually washes away bad thoughts. I'm going to try to fly. But if I can't, or I don't want to, I'm heading over to Sue's. She used to be my girlfriend, but now we just kind of talk. I make out with her sometimes, when she lets me. I think it makes her feel nice to have that position of power. It makes me feel okay. But not nice. Just okay. Things never go anywhere here. The rain just comes down, and goes back up when it evaporates. I'll follow it up one day when I'm flying. Follow the rain. If I follow it high enough, will it be sunny? Will I be happier seeing the sun?

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The following comments are for "Introspective Experiment"
by Washer

The title says it all: experiment. This is rough, but enjoyable. I'd wait until you revised it to truly comment, but here is what I think.

Your depiction of a 17 year old is somewhat insulting...his thoughts are simple. It's the typical teenager, and with that, you write it well, but typical equals cliche, which meant it didn't keep me completely interested.


( Posted by: hfox9er [Member] On: August 24, 2003 )

Much As It Shames Me
Thanks for commenting. It was mostly a stream of consciousness, whatever crap comes out kind of deal. I refined it a little, and see what you get? My dad talked me into helping some friends of his who own a farm this weekend, and the amount of *expletive* I ended up shovelling would roughly equal the pile here. Still, I made it, so it endears just a little. I can't remember to be honest, but I think you've commented on some of my other work. Feel free to keep reading, and see if you find something more to your tastes.

( Posted by: Washer [Member] On: August 25, 2003 )

Sounds like a journal entry. I like the last few sentences with the idea of following the rain up. Have you ever seen the anime FLCL (just started playing on Adult Swim)? The boy in it has a line just like one in your story..."nothing ever happens here" or something. Interesting look into a young mans life though...

( Posted by: Darkshine Raven [Member] On: August 26, 2003 )

Terrible news, friend. FLCL is off the air upon the completion of two runs. They're releasing the manga soon, and I think the DVD is available too. Yeah, I ripped off FLCL with that line. I'm partial to the very tail end too, one of the few places I think it conveyed well.

( Posted by: Washer [Member] On: August 26, 2003 )

Liked it. Even though I agree with Darkshine Raven that it reads like a journal entry, it's made easy for the reader to follow, and correctly conveys how liquid (yet jumpy) thoughts are. That probably didn't make much sense, but that's the best I can do at the moment.

"I wish I had a replacement me, so I could throw him off an overpass."-- Maybe it wasn't supposed to, but this line cracked me up.

( Posted by: Elphaba [Member] On: August 26, 2003 )

But I'm 16!
Thanks a ton everyone. Comments mean a lot. Though I didn't like it too much when I first read it, this many people saying otherwise has brainwashed me. Thanks for the confidence boost. *Does the lame no-rhythm thank you dance*

( Posted by: Washer [Member] On: August 28, 2003 )

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