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Second hand Friends.

Do you ever rate how good your friends are, how much you actually care about each individual person on a scale or not. Have you done the above, finally realized it and out of shame refuse to admit it? Should there be a guilt factor in that act? Ever realize how when you want people around you the most sometimes they are too busy in not including you?
Sometimes people make what I like to think of as Secondhand Friends. Friends that are good to have around when you need them, but don't typically include on a day to day basis. Its alright to have them help you when you need the help...but you don't to be able to call them around just for company or when you're heading out for a day and there's a free seat left in the car. I bet you know what I'm talking about now. How some friends seem inferior to others. How some are more 'worthy' of your precious company than others. This is called Secondhand Friends. It's degrading .. it makes you feel bad, and I believe there's a real good reason to those emotions: you wouldn't really want to be a secondhand friend yourself. Passed around only when needed but not really included for more than the heavy lifting. People notice when they do this, I believe, but they don't always want to own up to doing such a cruel and offending act. Why most people want to be considered good friends who are always there when needed. However, are we really truly always doing our best to be there for all friends, secondhand or not, when we do things. Now, don't get me wrong here, couple outings, dates, or ten-minute time is not the things I'm saying secondhand friends warrant to be included in. What I'm saying is that sometimes, friends should be friends. No ratings, no best or worst, no good or bad. Friend means you are there, unconditionally loving and well...friendly. It's a pal, its someone you know you can count on. Yet, when "Friends" make secondhand friends...they are hardly what they should be. People should not be picked upon like foods. You would only want the best meats and veggies and fruits...yet sometimes you're forced to get lesser quality, sometimes its all you can afford. And still you can see people doing this in their day to day friend activities. Online we have block capabilities, this helps us weed out the lesser friends unless we want to see them, then we click on the button and WHAM there they are. Do we use the block button in real life too often? Is it right to do such a thing? How can people who hold themselves on high moral pedicels find the justice in having secondhand friends. Friends that are only permitted access to their precious outings when they are needed. Be this need for money, a certain talent, or just an extra hand.
There are differences between friends and acquaintances as well. They are not held upon the same rules and standards. Friends are well, people you hold dear and close to your heart. You long to spend time with them and enjoy when you are able to do so. Acquaintances, are hall way chatters, you know their name, slight pieces of their history or life, and enough to get you through a light conversation until one said friend is available. Acquaintances are not people who typically have your phone number (while most friends are able to dial each other without looking for the number) they do not know where you live exactly (unless said acquaintance is your neighbor) and they don't really have any burning desire to get to know you (or you them) any better than you already do. IF they did, they would surpass the acquaintance mark, cross over and become a friend and that changes the rules back to square one.
People do not think about what they are doing sometimes, thus creating secondhand friends on accident. Sometimes, people know and don't always care that they are. This makes the difference of a "Friend" and a person posing to be a Friend, but really just being a blank individual who would do better to have more Acquaintances than friends. Some people may have friends that other friends don't want to be with, and giving into peer pressure or whatever they create secondhand friends that way. Only calling upon the friendship when in private, kind of like an old tattered teddy bear, you have it. You love it and do your best to sleep with it every night (not that this is suggested with a secondhand friend or much less anyone you are not in love with), hold it when you cry, watch your favorite movies with it, and yet, when your first hand or human friends come over, you hide this shameful tie to your childhood all in a manner to please the other. Is this the right thing to do? Am I telling you to force people who can't stand each other to be together. No. Not at all. But it's hurtful to try to pick between the two. Force one out when the other comes in. There is no justice no goodness in doing so. To be a friend, you shouldn't be forced to pick among your friends. It's not true friendship to force someone you love to pick between two people they love. Like a battle to become victorious, would you really feel good with causing someone the pain you wouldn't want to feel yourself? It would be a cruel injustice for someone to do that to you, yet...sometimes people think its alright if they to it to others. The tables are turned when you are the hurt party.
So, what am I getting at with all this. Nothing much. Just a bored person, writing about something that shouldn't happen, does happen, and no one seems to want to be willing to change the happening of. We all would hate to be considered a secondhand friend, somehow lesser than the next person, yet... we do not wish to see ourselves doing that exact thing to others. My point, don't want to be a secondhand friend, don't make secondhand friends. Karma is everywhere.

If I did it...I didn't mean to.
If I hurt you...I didn't mean to.
If I left you...I didn't mean to.
If I scared you...I didn't mean to.
If I loved you...I didn't mean to.

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The following comments are for "Secondhand Friends"
by Nicicole

True friends are a rare treasure. I definately understand where your frustrations are comming from. I wrote a piece on this topic, called "The Back scratchers" and I'd welcome you to read it.

( Posted by: malthis [Member] On: August 20, 2003 )

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