Rain
by chop_n_change (Member) - published: August 26, 2003
Word Count: 99 Word Bytes: 724 Viewed: 703 times
Category - Poetry
© Copyright by chop_n_change

(5 votes)

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The rain is misunderstood.

It comes under dark sky and thunder,
battering softly at the world,
wanting to be heard.
Follows you everywhere.
Lonely rain.

Nobody stops to break it's fall,
to hold it and let it run down their face.
Nobody wants to come and play.
Cold, grey, empty streets where rain lives.

They drink water,
they bath in water,
they play their childish games with it;
but everybody runs when rain comes out to play.

Whisper, holler,
"The sun's out! Let's go! Hey!"
Thankyou Mr Weather Man,
no rain today!

PLEASE LEAVE FEEDBACK, I'M NEW AT THIS.

------
first draft with your heart, second with your head.

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Comments

The following comments are for "Rain"
by chop_n_change

rainy weather
I like the ideas you've expressed here. You achieved a very good tone to the piece as well. Overall, it's a very good poem.
Just one thing, though: it doesn't feel like it's finished; the way it flows and the way it reads, it just seems like there ought to be another verse on the end.
Anyway, that's my thoughts. I'll give you a score of 7/10. :-)

( Posted by: Spudley [Member] On: August 26, 2003 )

Rainy weather
~chop N Change~
Pretty nice poem you have here, But I would have added a few more lines.
Besides, I enjoyed reading it. ok, you get an 8/10 from me

{{{Jeannie}}}

( Posted by: JEANNIE45 [Member] On: August 26, 2003 )

Rainy day people
This reads like two seperate poems. The first poem being the first two stanzas I quite enjoyed. It was an eloquent defense of the rain rendered in a fairly skillful way. I liked it and the sparseness of the images lends itself nicely to the subject.

The second poem being the second two stanzas I don't like at all. I have no idea what possessed you to write them and attach them to credible work but whatever it was get it exorcised and do so quickly.

Every strength that the first to stanzas demonstrate is repudiated by the second two. The empathy you had forthe subject disappears into a sneering sort of missed-the-boat-mockery.

This moves from quite good to quite bad quite quickly. Hardly cricket guv'nor.

So far I have not minded your stuff much which is a promising sign if you are, as you claim, a beginner. You don't write like one and that not only pleases me but gives me hope.

You can be worked with.

Yours;
Elliott

( Posted by: Enforced Bliss [Member] On: September 2, 2003 )

interesting
I agree with Enforced Bliss' comment taht it reads like two poems. Thing is, I rather liked both of those poems, but for different reasons. The first was sombre, reflective, and I thought it might lead me to think about rain in a new way. It didn't. Instead it turned into a erather different, lighthearted poem that seemed quite innocent to me. I like the PROMISE of the first poem, and thew innocence of the second.

( Posted by: Viper9 [Member] On: September 10, 2003 )

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