Assumption
by Jasmine (Member) - published: August 11, 2003
Word Count: 82 Word Bytes: 587 Viewed: 3163 times
Category - The Write Off
© Copyright by Jasmine

7.8

(25 votes)

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Youthful dancing, fresh field of ideas.
Count them, thoughts, feelings, dreams.
Each blade carefree to wonder alone.

Sunlight and warmth, caressing the grain.
Ideas reaching for broader horizons.
Always you watch, until it is grown.

Time for the harvest, ripe for the scythe.
Down from cross-sticks to garner the crop,
Ward off the hungry, lest seed be shown.

No help you gave before there was need,
Sure that a bale or two was for you.
Promises reaped before they were sown.

------
It's not easy having a good time. Even smiling makes my face ache.- Frank N. Furter.

--Jasmine

Comments

The following comments are for "Assumption"
by Jasmine

close contest.
As I just said on Penelope's piece, this is a really tough pair of poem to judge between - a really high standard from you both. Makes me glad I didn't volunteer for this one, because I'd have come a distant third behind these two!

Without the contest forcing me to make a judgement, I'd probably be giving this one a 9/10 (...possibly an 8 if I was having a bad day *grin*) But I have to decide between two masterpieces, and I gotta to tell it's it's been difficult.

I loved the rhyming scheme you set up here... reminded me a bit of a poem I wrote earlier this year, but I'm afraid I'm going to have to give Penelope the victory by the narrowest of margins.

You both had unusual rhythm and rhyming schemes, and they were both pulled off with a great deftness of touch, but I found the other poem was slightly clearer in its theme than this one.

Score 8/10. As I say, it deserves a 9... but I'm sure you'll get some from other voters.

( Posted by: Spudley [Member] On: August 12, 2003 )

worked hard
you must have worked really hard on thid one jas, and it shows... i never would have thought something this mellow could have come out of your head.
and why didn't you tell me you were taking part in the write-off?

( Posted by: man eating maniac [Member] On: August 13, 2003 )

nice
Good job i must say. You were very detailed on what little you had to go on.
you pulled it off well.8/9

( Posted by: nebulaplasma [Member] On: August 13, 2003 )

hidden stanzas and imagery
Jasmine~

First off thanks for signing up for this little battle of verse. I'm in your debt.

I liked the piece, the images are good but I was expecting a clearer cut image of the scarecrow than you gave. I would venture that not everyone reading this piece could have tell what your piece and Pen's piece have in common. But still good job on the poem otherwise.

The hidden stanza, excellently done and a complete suprise. I may have to try something like that myself.

Lastly thanks again and great job.

~Bart

( Posted by: Bartleby [Member] On: August 13, 2003 )

I understand you Jaz
I think this was a brilliant poem even though not everyone understands it as I do.
It might help if you explain that the hungry are the crows and that the scarecrow expects payment for his job.
Also its a metaphorical scarecrow but hey I'm just babbling now.

Great job.

( Posted by: colwyn [Member] On: August 14, 2003 )

~Jasmine~
~Jasmine~
your poem has that natural flow.
It has a rhythm to the beat. I like this very much. I am going to vote for you and pen. I believe in unity, of course there can only be one winner. may the best one win

God bless you

{{{Jeannie}}}

( Posted by: JEANNIE45 [Member] On: August 14, 2003 )

poemmmmm
nice! Simple, forthright and enjoyable to read. I hate poetry, right, but I actually read this one more than once. Good effort. 8/10

( Posted by: delgesu [Member] On: August 17, 2003 )

i like it
hi. this is very imaginitive. i like it. need to say that if i hadn't read in the comments that it was about a scarecrow, i wouldn't have found it as good. i wouldn't have had anything to connect the imagery to. given the subject, these poems could have ended up being boring, but both of you managed to make it the opposite. well done.

( Posted by: chop_n_change [Member] On: August 26, 2003 )

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