I.U.S.W.
by Penelope (Member) - published: August 11, 2003
Word Count: 256 Word Bytes: 1839 Viewed: 2363 times
Category - The Write Off
© Copyright by Penelope

8.74

(27 votes)

Rating	Rated by

9	Unknown

8	Unknown

9	Unknown

8	Unknown

10	Unknown

10	Unknown

9	Unknown

8	Unknown

8	Unknown

5	Unknown

9	Unknown

10	Unknown

8	Unknown

9	Unknown

8	Unknown

10	Unknown

10	Unknown

8	Unknown

8	Unknown

10	Unknown

10	Unknown

10	Unknown

9	Unknown

6	Unknown

9	Unknown

8	Unknown

10	Unknown

You must login to vote

Sam’s occupation is a noble vocation.
In the maize, he lolls through his days.

Beside the split rail fence, Sam stands,
with a posture, most unrefined.
Splayed legs, outstretched hands.
Denim drawers, Levi’s defined.
His gumboots have gaping holes.
The supporting pole, semi-reclines.
In his belly, a nesting of voles,
Sam’s pitchfork has two bent tines.
A fedora from dead uncle Buff
covers straw, golden and thatched.
Red checked shirt, missing one cuff.
Gloves which are mismatched.

This morning, Sam’s head is filled with dread.
News from the crows has flown up his nose.

Down the road, at the next farm,
Charlie was tossed in the dump.
They’ve suddenly lost their charm.
Scarecrow’s are in a slump.
There’s a newfangled notion
to ward off ravenous birds.
The crows are in a commotion.
It’s far too heinous for words.
They’ve got him in a right tizzy
with gossip, they’re happy to share.
He’ll be gone, like the tin Lizzy.
They tell Sam, he’d best beware.

Should Sam reflect? The crows are circumspect.
Strung pie plates that shimmer, don’t sound like a winner.

While leaning against a rail,
I listen to the uproar.
The black birds have turned ghostly pale
cause Sam’s beginning to snore.
I’ll add my voice to the throng,
before it’s too late.
SAM, they’re singing your swan song!
Please don’t idly wait!
They’ve brazenly changed all the rules.
Leave the cornfield in full flight.
The farmers will FIRE all the fools.
NOW is the time to UNITE!

10/08/03
PFA - Zeke & Co.

------
"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent" - Eleanor Roosevelt

Related Items

Who Will Buy?

Surf & Turf

More by Penelope »

Comments

The following comments are for "I.U.S.W."
by Penelope

*Throws the ball*
I wasn't going to comment first, but as no one else has, I think it's safe for me to congratulate my fellow contender.

I think you've done extremely well, given the topic. I really like your theme, and I think the couplets between the stanzas work well. The imagery in the first verse is excellent

That said, a couple of little things irked me.
Your grammar is slightly off in places, as is the rhythm. This is particularly apparent in the last stanza.
Also, I would have liked to know why the poet was so eager not to have Sam removed. A little line or two about why he meant so much to her could have made it mean so much more to the reader.
Lastly, I don't understand the capitalisation in the last two lines.

All in all, though, a great poem. I feel honourably challenged!

I gave an eight.

( Posted by: Jasmine [Member] On: August 12, 2003 )

scarecrow
Loved the last line. Has a marxist flair to it, reminds me of "workers of the world unite" also adds nice humour to the poem. Your first stanza is the best, very descriptive and finely paced, while the others are slightly uneven. Some of the rhyming scheme seemed a little forced but overall was very effective. Not one of your best, but still good by any standards.
8/10

I rate you both even, your both winners in my book.

Warmest Regards,
Bob

( Posted by: rcallaci [Moderator] On: August 12, 2003 )

descisions, descision....
Oh boy. This is the hardest write-off to judge yet. We have two truly excellent poems, both with the kind of deft touch that makes a winner. Ladies, you have both surpassed yourselves. :-)

As I say, it's a very tough call; whatever I decide, I can say this much - the scoring is going to be close all the way.

I'm going to give this one the victory, because I found it easier to understand than Jasmine's poem. So Pen, I give you a score of 9/10. Well done.

( Posted by: Spudley [Member] On: August 12, 2003 )

Union
Jasmine, I will respond to your question about why the poet is so eager not to have Sam removed. I am a Union worker. I was a Union officer. I sympathize deeply with any worker who is becoming obsolete. In the writing forum there I have written several comments which reflect my sentiments. I love the last stanza! It got me all worked up! Down with aluminum pie plates strung on strings! lol
rcallli - it's kind of difficult to decide and I sympathize with you. Jasmine wrote an excellent poem as well. I like mine better though! Scarecrows of the world UNITE! Yes, you caught it right on the button!
spudley - thanks! I agree that mine is easier to understand. It seems I want to be perfectly clear when I am given a topic which the reader can understand without knowing what the topic was.

( Posted by: Penelope [Member] On: August 12, 2003 )

the last verse
Sorry but it feels as though someone else has written the last verse. It totally changes rhythm and feels very awkward like you were stuck.

Also I have to say, "Uncle Buff"???

( Posted by: colwyn [Member] On: August 12, 2003 )

Buff
My husband had an uncle Buff.

( Posted by: Penelope [Member] On: August 12, 2003 )

buff
what is an uncle buff?

good work pen!

( Posted by: man eating maniac [Member] On: August 13, 2003 )

Write-Off
You guys both write good so it was a tough call. After hours and hours of dliberation you came out the winner. 9/10

( Posted by: nebulaplasma [Member] On: August 13, 2003 )

news from the crows..
Penelope~

I really liked this piece, and wasn't at all suprised that you found a way to make the image I gave you the centerpiece in this poem.

The line "news from the crows has flown up his nose" was inspired and got a laugh from me.

I'm impressed with the way you took a seemingly whimsical piece and made it political. Although this type of poem is not usually my cup of tea, I find myself enjoying it. I think the title detracts from the quality of the piece as needing explanation but that is perhaps a minor point.

All in all great job. The winner in my book.

~Bart

( Posted by: Bartleby [Member] On: August 13, 2003 )

organizer
One of the secrets I learned when I was a Union organizer is make it fun. Make people want to enjoy themselves. I am not a sack cloth and ashes type of Union flunkie. I always found poking fun at the boss engaged the minds of more workers than bellyaching (or that other word). After the poems were posted I introduced LitOrg to some contacts of mine and one of them is going to sign up. I have been promoting both this site and the writer's forum since I came across it. It's the best one I have come across so far. So, I suppose I still am organizing.

I realized there was a risk in making it political but .. well ...
Oh you can't scare me .. I'm sticking to the Union .. la la la la..
LOL

I too loved the flown up his nose line and typed it with glee!

I was so inspired by 'Sam' the scarecrow that I went and wrote another poem and have a third on the go currently. Thanks for the topic and thank you very much for the nod.

I enjoyed Jasmine's poem and found her subtle working of words beautiful.

( Posted by: Penelope [Member] On: August 13, 2003 )

I.U.S.W.
International Union of Scarecrow Workers

( Posted by: Penelope [Member] On: August 13, 2003 )

Uncle Buff
I can't belive this, I have an Uncle Buff too, (not his real name but the only name I've ever known him by) its ironic and I loved the use of it in your poem.

Good stuff here Penelope. I have to say I see you as the winner in this little battle. You gave a more detailed description of the scarecrow and for sticking so close to the rules and all in all just having a good poem is how you came out on top. (plus the Uncle Buff part didn't hurt any! ;) )

Good job.

~Jessica

( Posted by: Jessicanm [Member] On: August 14, 2003 )

Names
Now this is the second bit of serendipity about names in this poem! Now we have two Uncle Buffs! What say you to that colwyn?

( Posted by: Penelope [Member] On: August 14, 2003 )

Uncle "Buff"
Penn;
Your poem is well written. I like the part about the scarescrow though. as I was telling ~Jasmine~ I am going to vote for the both of you. But, there can be only one winner. May the best poem win!!!

God Bless You
{{{Jeannie}}}

( Posted by: JEANNIE45 [Member] On: August 14, 2003 )

Inspired!
Inspired stuff Penelope, but then I expected nothing less from you! I tip my Hat (straw!) to you.

( Posted by: Beatrice Boyle [Member] On: August 15, 2003 )

tin lizzy?
Great work. Of course.

Ya know, I'm waiting for the day when one contestant submits a haiku and tho other a sonnet.

THAT'LL be the day I have a hard time to decide which is the winner.

Although you've covered the subject in a novel and humorous way, I'm going to go with my gut. I'm a Teamster myself, but there's something nagging me about this poem.

Just doesn't hit me the way Jasmine's poem did.

8/10. Great work nonetheless. An eight isn't that bad .. Considering the current standing of 24 votes to 22 votes ;)

( Posted by: Rogan [Member] On: August 15, 2003 )

union?
I might understand your choice, but will Brother Hoffa? lol

If something is nagging you about my poem, do you have any idea what it is?

Thanks for the respectable vote roganize - do you know if you moved the 'r' in your handle you would have organize? You're a tad off kilter. ;-)

( Posted by: Penelope [Member] On: August 15, 2003 )

Uncle Buff
As Jessica said it wasn't his real name!
I dunno maybe its just an American thing no offence intended

( Posted by: colwyn [Member] On: August 15, 2003 )

American?
Seeing as my husband's Uncle Buff was Canadian, I would venture that it's internationally recognized! No offense taken, no matter how it's spelled.

( Posted by: Penelope [Member] On: August 16, 2003 )

distraught
I have said before, I don't like poetry. The other competitor got it right because it was short and sweet. Yours, however was refreshing. Poetry always seems to be used as personal therapy whenever I come across it, but this was just really refreshing. Well done, 9/10...the winner in my mind.

( Posted by: Delgesu [Member] On: August 17, 2003 )

i like them both
very slightly prefered this one. i don't doubt that there was scope for writing a boring poem from this theme, but both of you did the opposite. this begins strong and carries on that way. your imagery is vivid and strong, painting a clear picture, which is followed by a story, a journey through some sort of emotion, which i read was supposed to be good in poetry. it works here. there is something of an air of mystery created from nothing (references to things that matter to you but are unknown to the reader) which adds to the story and gives depth to the character. written in such a way as to be sympathetic to the character, making the reader care what happens to him, and therefore what happens in the story. engaging and vivid. well done.

( Posted by: chop_n_change [Member] On: August 26, 2003 )

Add Your Comment

You Must be a member to post comments and ratings. If you are NOT already a member, signup now it only takes a few seconds!

All Fields are required

Login:
Password:

Related Sites:

News
*Water Filters
*Duwayne Burnside
*MPAA
*Air Jordan 7