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Sleep had eluded me that body restless and taut, thrasing against the sheets as if I were preparing for battle. A strange foreboding invaded my being, as if it were being warned of impending doom!

What was I afraid of? Why did I feel so threatened? I had had a wonderful evening, having had dinner with my dearest friends and the conversation and food were superb. Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, I fell into a fitful sleep.

Suddenly, I was prodded into consciousness, by cold hands probing my body! Instantly, I was fully awake, trying to fend off the assailants, who by now were mustering their collective strength to hold me down, trying to calm me into submission. I was no longer in my own bed at home, but in a stark, strange room! As I tried to see their faces in the semi-darkness of the room, I discovered they were, to a man, wearing masks! Who were these creatures...what did they want with me...why was I here?

Just a few weeks ago, I had read a magazine article by a couple in the mid-west, who claimed to have been abducted by aliens and taken to a space ship, where they were examined and then released without harm. Was that what was happening to me? Why had I been selected...surely, a yoounger person would have been more suitable!
Finally, I could hold them off no more, and as my strength gave out, I felt the prick of a sharp needle go through my upper arm. Almost instantly, my body had lost the ability to move and I gave up the struggle. Then they proceeded to transport me to what seemed like a fully equipped laboratory and left me lying on a cold, steel table. it was then that I noticed the tools lying on an adjacent counter. I was slowly losing consciousness, but I saw
what I perceived to be an Ax and so help me, a Saw! Could this be some horrible nightmare? I fought to rouse my self from it, if indeeed, that's what it was, when I mercifully fell into an eerie, black nothingness.

The next thing I knew, I was aware of a hand on my shoulder, shaking me awak and the voice was vaguely familiar. I was one of the creatures that had abducted me last night!

"Good Morning Bea, chirped Dr. Livingston, "how are you feeling this morning? Your operation went very well, and now you have a brand new knee. Congratulations, now you'll be able to walk in the park to your hearts content and even dance a little. Just don't try to run, or you'll be back in here next week! If you do have to come in again, I think we'll try to use a different didn't seem to tolerate this one very well!"

Grandma Bea

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The following comments are for "THE ABDUCTION"
by Beatrice Boyle

"Cut out all those exclamation marks. an exclamation mark is like laughing at your own joke."
--F. Scott Fitzgerald (whom you may not enjoy reading, but I thought you'd appreciate his humor).

While he certainly takes an extreme view of it, he has a point. I thoroughly enjoyed reading your piece, it was delightful, however exclamation points bother me. A good excercise is to take out all the exclamation points in your writing, and see if you can't convey the same urgency through tone and diction, without pointing out that the reader should be shocked or surprised.(god knows I've done it over and over and over again...)
Your piece has character, though, and a good element to it, that is a tad indescribeable The voice within the piece is fun to join in with. A little expansion wouldn't be objectionable either.

Good work


( Posted by: Kitten Courna [Member] On: July 31, 2003 )

The Drama Queen!
Thanks Kitten, for reminding me of what my family tells me all the time...I dramatize everything.(See, I'm taking your comments to heart, I would have put an exclamtion point there) I know you're right, but it won't be easy after 75 years. This old dog isn't too old to be learning new tricks.

( Posted by: Beatrice Boyle [Member] On: August 1, 2003 )

A bit short for a short story, but maybe a bit long for flash fiction... hmm... I think maybe I'd call it the latter, but it's a fairly even bet.

A fun little story, though. You injected your usual soft humour and wit into what can be a very heavy topic.

The aliens bit was a little weak: "Just a few weeks ago, I had read a magazine article ...."
This paragraph needs sprucing up. It's too matter-of-fact to fit with the surrounding paragraphs; I think you need to introduce the idea of them being aliens more gradually - first the masks, then the comparisons, maybe?

Anyway, other than that, not too bad.
Score 7/10.

( Posted by: Spudley [Member] On: August 1, 2003 )

Thanks Spud
Thanks for the review spud. Since I'm so new at story telling, I was afraid I was rambling on so I kept it short. I will try to flesh it out more. (I didn't know what flash fiction meant!)

Thank again for your input.

( Posted by: Beatrice Boyle [Member] On: August 3, 2003 )

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