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9.2

(5 votes)


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Our Father,
(Deadly Father)
Who art in heaven,
(Who aligns with Satan)
Hallowed be thy Name.
(And cursèd be thy flame)
Thy kingdom come
(In hellish suns)
Thy will be done,
(You kill your sons)
On earth as it is in heaven.
(With guns you use to kill in sermon)
Give us this day our daily bread.
(For we have no food to feed the dead)
And forgive us our trespasses,
(Yet make us rue what passes)
As we forgive those who trespass against us.
(And as we fear becoming dust)
And lead us not into temptation,
(Though you lead us into fake salvation)
But deliver us from evil.
(Deliver us from your evil)
For thine is the kingdom,
(Thine is the ever dumb)
and the power,
(To make us cower)
and the glory,
(To wound us gory)
for ever and ever.
(Until our lives you sever)
Amen


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Comments

The following comments are for "Pray"
by False Dawn

Love it

It is niceto see another athiest here and one with skill enough to take a prayer and make it a sin. I love it.

( Posted by: one.true.lady.uk [Member] On: August 3, 2003 )

Thanks
I'd just like to add that I envision this as a spoken piece, with two cowled figures, one in white light, the other in dark blue. I'd love to see this performed somehow, but I doubt it ever will be. I hope others like it too.

( Posted by: False Dawn [Member] On: August 3, 2003 )

Great Work!!
Really liked this piece. I would love to see if performed though. Would be interesting to experience the duality of this in person.

( Posted by: dolphingurrl [Member] On: August 3, 2003 )

9/10
Brilliantly done, F.D. I'm all in favour of questioning the Almighty at times. Your poem offers a redress of balance between good and evil. I'm only rating it 9, 'cos I don't want a plague of boils.

( Posted by: ogg [Member] On: August 3, 2003 )

Coward!
Give it a ten if you think its worth it and i'll take the punishment from him up there :P:D roflmao

( Posted by: False Dawn [Member] On: August 3, 2003 )

Subtle?
Nah, because then it wouldnt be so controversial, and this was written as a god-hate poem, so no subtlety was really intended. Glad you liked it Bob. :)

( Posted by: False Dawn [Member] On: August 4, 2003 )

Bravo!
Love it! Is that bad of me to love something like this? I dunno and don't care. lol Really enjoyed it FD.

( Posted by: lovesessence [Member] On: August 5, 2003 )

Why would it be bad?
I don't see why it should be bad - it's merely a point of view expressed through poetry. Thanx for your comment :)

( Posted by: False Dawn [Member] On: August 5, 2003 )

Interesting
I am sound in faith and this brings me no thoughts of evil toward the God that I believe in. It was well written and offered a double-edged perspective of the Father above. Imaginative. Bravo...

( Posted by: GhosTRunner [Member] On: August 8, 2003 )

Really?
A person of faith actually praised my poem? :o Well, its certainly unexpected but not unwanted. Thanks Ghost, your comment is appreciated.

( Posted by: False Dawn [Member] On: August 8, 2003 )

8/10
"And lead us not into temptation,
(Though you lead us into fake salvation)"
are great lines and my favourite in this carefully constructed piece of poetry.

( Posted by: desconocida [Member] On: April 9, 2004 )





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