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On winter's night, bleak, frigid, still
when breath is smoke in late night's chill
upon arctic gale winds she ventures forth,
healer of suffering, judge of life's worth.
To compassionate souls of earth and sky, she
remedies and purifies. To defiler hearts
eager to spread plague and poison, she
euthanizes, regardless of season. Weeaga,
shaman's daughter, healer of people oppressed
by greed and corruption's weal. Planetary
defender, preserver of life, sworn enemy to
exploiters and whores of strife. Thus like
a banshee, a warning to the wicked: to hear
her dark song is to be her next victim.

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The following comments are for "Song of the Weeaga"
by Tigerlily

I don't like this. It feels to me like you are reaching and in so doing your reach has exceeded your grasp.

I get the point and the frustration is not lost on me but the execution is lacking.

Rather than pick it apart piece by piece I will use one line as exemplary, please extrapolate my comments to cover the piece as a whole.

"To defiler hearts eager to spread plague and poison she euthanizes regardless of season"

To begin, "To defiler hearts...she euthanizes" is syntactically bad. take out the "To" and it works better but the main thing is that euthanasia is meant to relieve the afflicted of their suffering. If these "defiler hearts" are "eager to spread" then they aren't suffering and hence "euthanasize" is not the right word.

The whole thing, like I said, seems like reaching to me.

The first two lines are quite good, I like4d "breath turns to smoke" it conjures up all kinds of various thoughts in my rather addled mind. There is some strength in this but it seems to me like you lacked the confidence to let it be what it wanted to be and rather forced it into your idea of what it should be.

Just my thoughts, take them or leave them as you will.

( Posted by: enforced bliss [Member] On: August 2, 2003 )

No worries
I've been writing for awhile now, so I appreciate the value of critiques. I admit the poem isn't for everybody. Thanks for your input.

( Posted by: tigerlily [Member] On: August 2, 2003 )

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