Beauty can be a strange place to a lost soul. You know the moment when you gaze upon a shampoo bottle in the shower reading the ingredients for minutes. You spend almost what feels of eternity lost in your mind. The warm water hitting your body, running down your face. Just lost in thought. You are not really giving any effort to care about the chemical names and structure of your shampoo. Simply in a trance of thought and inner day dream. Dreaming from the night before or continuing the thoughts or dream that you wish you could relive or remember every detail. They fade as fast as the soap spuds running clockwise down the drain. You stand in one place and wonder about everything that your life has become or what you can dream will become of your life. The water is getting cold, you shake off and realize you drifted in another realm of existence.
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The next hours are a struggle and your now viewing yourself from a above ghost like atmosphere. Are you depressed or are you simply still? I wonder if stillness can be related to depression. The day dreaming, the loneliness is engulfing the painful experience at the coffee shop trying to order a simple coffee. Life where getting out of bed is the biggest and most grueling task. You just want to exist in your dreams. Relive the adventure your subconsciously experienced mind wondered. This realm or reality is beautiful. Is beauty good or bad? The one will wonder when your shifting between realities.
Drinking can enhance your dreams and you drink yourselves to sleep. You knock in and out of REM sleep. Always catching the dreams state like a drug. A drug that is more powerful than heroin. I spend mornings not willing to open my eyes and to keep rolling over and over again to gain the dream state. The addictive nature of this life you see gentlemen is a disease? What is reality?
Thoughts of humanity is dished in ways of morning NPR, CNN, Wall street or the arbitrary facebook feeds we all poke on the shitter or in the car, the very act of just strolling. Strolling. I once caught myself strolling with my finger, bottom to top and bottom to top. Over and over again and then realize this act was just like the shampoo bottle. I was day dreaming, never reading anything that fast and nor did I want to. You see it, was the re living of my dreams for when I hit REM. My ID came out to play and it wants a presence and domination. The super EGO is entirely distant from lack of social interaction. When a human, I feel I completely engulfed with data smog, noise and confusion. Everyone is telling each other how to act, what is appropriate, how to dress, how to act, how to be the “in”. We lose ourselves so much that we are entirely alone and we alone in our dreams and we want to stay here and become or ID demands, feelings and drives towards a magical world.
Its just you and ME. Its just you and ME, and ME. Becoming more and more awake and adware to this discovery ruins the simple acts of arbitrary kindness or the basic social interactions. You “hypothetically” gravitate to one culture or pop norm and immediately find MEME's and folks insulting this way of thinking. Carry this on to everything. No one and I repeat Gentlemen. No one can exist in modern times with out a opposition to ones thoughts or culture. We exist into staring into bottles of shampoo ingredients. The rather uneducated or less intellectual folk are the real heroes of our humanity. They live peacefully and unaware of these daily acts of societal needs and normalities.
I envy them my gentlemen readers.
When is a good time to move onward? The acts of meeting another human mate or in my case female companion disturbs my core to the point that the conversations will be trite and predictable. I want and need sex or some form of attention but, can not get past the very acts of engaging in the very pre determined human interactions that are played and been known for years. The awkward loneliness subdued and day dreaming becomes my escape. I do like pizza. Video games. Art. Written literature.
The envision of embarrassment and self morality reasons I can never have a successful date and nor do I imagine myself having one.
People of the philistines have it easy I repeat in a fist shaking manner as I drive from account to account. Spending your life in hotels and distant is one way to avoid these weird arrangements. So I keep dreaming of the first women I could lay my problems down and she would listen to me. Then she would tell me to leave, that I couldn't see past my inner time and the longing purity of the world just being a giant shame. Drink and drink myself to sleep and I will continue to be alright. I will alright.
One thing that you know is that I will always be alright. Gentlemen.