Can I even cry?
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NO, It's not safe- and it doesn't matter
Always something wrong- mabye you.
should get fixed
Like a broken clock- ticking out tocks
And im here..next to you
But we're two distant lands
Two separate shores- between us an ocean
Ocean who drifted our worlds apart
Im sending letters in a bottle- did they catch your drift?
And I don' t know where to run
Though I hide it well- add concealer
Im here ... Crying in the car
Under the shower
Im drowing-- help me papa please
But you're tired of saving me
Hero, you've answered too many calls
This damsel gotta save herself
I know how tired ive made you
Whats wrong? Why is there always.
something wrong? Why can't we spend.
a day without arguing?
You make me feel like the ugliest
And most beautiful girl with your ways
And our love
Is burrowing tunnels through my flesh everyday
In every word that hurts me
In all the things you say
And now you say im mad
I need a doctor cuz i'm too sad
But all i need was you
But you're not there
And you won't be
Its the silent death in our everyday life
Mabye we weren't meant to be like this
Not like this
Thats what you say
Its not what you wanted
I know I'm no princess
My ways too coarse, my toes too big,
I feel it in my skin
Im growing fatter
I feel it and it kills me
Kills me so bad
Its hard to love someone fat
And if there was beauty beyond that
Its gone in our everyday
A struggle to reach sundown
Struggle to nightime
Then we stare at the screens
Silently staring at that light in the dark
And my child inside cries
Shes so hungry for your affections
So hungry for your love
But you're right
Im nagging again arent i?
What do want? We've been together.
What a long day- you're right
Give it a break ma!
Give a man a break!
Long hot summer days, and the nausea rises, tuna maionaise sandwich
Boiled tomatoes, anchovy cream
And a coffee to spark up again
Long days in the country
Dry scaly skin on my feet
Dusted sandles playing at 3pm
Cold freezing water of the sea
Dried salt streaks on my back
Sultry tourits like sea elephants at the wooden bar- a child screams
Wait!! mummy will get you an ice-cream
Then sand and metal and pine tree breeze
My smile with yellowish teeth
Sweet- too sweet lemon tea
Then bath and soap
Scrub of the dirt- all the dirt
But the fat won't go
And i sit in the bathtub
Looking at my belly- my pregant belly
Pregnant with worries?, with pain, pregnant with hurt that won't go away
Then i'm hungry
Ooh soo hungry
Few seconds before i faint- there's 35 degrees in the shade- and i've got vinegar breath
Go and eat- nothing but hardboiled egg
Chilly burns, salty and sweet- fill me up with rice and cream
Still miles to go before i sleep,
Then the afternoon silence
Burnt air of hay coming in from the window
Muscles ache- how i long caresses
And you're infront of a screen
Hey- put the tops back on the.
bottles when You drink em'.
Do you want to have sex?
Kiss, blow, undress, 2 positions,
im coming , ok me too.
Wash- wash it all off
Cruppled sheets in the bed
Did you pay the internet bill?
No not yet
Theres nothing to eat
Sitting lonely in the fridge
Shit the baby's awake. You take.
Where?- i have no friends.. I try to make the calls anyways
Wana meet? Yea. Ok im at the park see you there
Be gentle- mother- i am a good mother- i can play i can give i can be. My beautiful beautiful boy-- mamma's angel. Share- good boy- lets play!! Peekabook. Okay!! Well done!! Lets play all day
Suck suck...so close..too close to the heart..scratching inside..scratching my skin.
Teeth that pinch and bite
Slowly you hurt mama
Slowly good boy
Suck suck.... Im thirsty im hungry..its late
Whats for dinner?
Lets go out
Sit boy. BOY sit down!! Mama and.
Papa will be angry if you don't sit
I watched a show last night
About nuclear science- and.
Anyways its crazy the world
Boy use your fork!!
Papa isn't laughing
Car- sit down!!!
..anyways i was telling you.
about this mathematician, he.
discovered how the universe.
is actually united through.
Do you love me?
And home.. Set him down slowly
Pull away my breasts
You sit infront of your screen
And im quiet
I ate too much-- my belly is bloated,
I fucked up my diet again
aching- and tomorrow? What do i do?
Whats wrong? Come here
Slip into the dark
Slide out of my clothes
In the dark
I start to fade, i no longer am
Im loosing me
And i feel free
I feel me.