Lit.Org - a community for readers and writers Advanced Search
 




Average Rating
0.00

(0 votes)

You must login to vote

Push Away.

I use to think it was anger, fear or disgust. Tried to blame one another on to itself. Spent years dealing with anger, hiding the red and black so deep where I created a mask to confront any outburst. Learned to pressure this anger in my unconscious, slowly the building and boiling became the lava under the great tectonic plate over the Californian fault line. Only small amounts of fits like a minor eruption in the depths of a geyser only to be sealed again. A mask was my only way to hide, adjust and never let that magma erupt. This is the first mask.

Fear is the second mask to come about during my early to mid twenties. Fear of failure, if I failed then I would be like my parents or more importantly my father. This vile of a human, coward and failure to humankind is who I feared I would become. When family comments at our annual gatherings about how much I look like him. I cringe in disgust, I bite my teeth, twirl my hair and find any excuse no matter how bullshit that excuse was to leave the family function. I did this to just get some peace and avoid this fear. Slowly over the years of this fear I created another mask that I wear on my shoulders.

Disgust is a building emotion that has been around lingering like a strange foot ailment you deal with over a very long period of time. Example of your large in grown tow nail you have been trying to self heal. I'm disgusted in my life, im disgusted in the mask I have made to deal with my thoughts. Thoughts are running a million times a second, firing synopsis after synopsis of old dirt, emotions, pain and anger. Fuck you synopsis and electrodes from my brain. Alcohol delays these firings, alcohol is no longer working nor do I even want to have it work. Now I embrace the electrodes, bring them the fuck on, HEY I have my other mask to deal with you. Thus, this viscous cycle I only deal with alone. Im alone and my loneliness is the only way I can cope with myself or my thoughts. We fit together like a puzzle as Conor Oberst says. This is the third mask to be developed. Winning and Winning. I wan to Win.

Defeat is a strange word. I defeated all the memories, pain, anger, disgust and self loathing by the very mask. Pushing away the very people who care or want to care. Caring is also a strange concept. People only want to care only to benefit their own self ego. End of the day, they are accomplished and full knowing that they cared. You see folks. This is the trap of every day human struggle. All worms upon worms being ripped in half only to build a band and keep on wiggling onto this wet pavement. In the end a Eagle will feed us to their freshly hatched babies.


Related Items

Comments

The following comments are for "Push Away"
by NucleusFire





Add Your Comment

You Must be a member to post comments and ratings. If you are NOT already a member, signup now it only takes a few seconds!

All Fields are required

Commenting Guidelines:
  • All comments must be about the writing. Non-related comments will be deleted.
  • Flaming, derogatory or messages attacking other members well be deleted.
  • Adult/Sexual comments or messages will be deleted.
  • All subjects MUST be PG. No cursing in subjects.
  • All comments must follow the sites posting guidelines.
The purpose of commenting on Lit.Org is to help writers improve their writing. Please post constructive feedback to help the author improve their work.


Username:
Password:
Subject:
Comment:





Login:
Password: