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I met a boy
who changed my ways,
he offered support,
but who the hell pays?

I met a boy
who made me think,
asked questions without words,
THAT'S why I don't use ink!!

I met a boy
who grew into a man,
Life's paths took us apart,
whatever else can?

Oh man from Mars,
where are you now?
your phone's cut off,
can I reach you somehow?


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Comments

The following comments are for "Lost"
by Queen of the hill

Simplex Munditis
This is simple, direct and honest. I like it. There is no need to fight to interpret obscure images. It is concrete and open. The rhyme scheme fits well with the general style and atmosphere and none of the rhymes seem overly forced - a couple border on it - but a first-timer can be forgiven that ;) Simple elegance well executed. Well done.

( Posted by: Enforced Bliss [Member] On: July 25, 2003 )

Thanks
Though I find it hard to believe you have not yet recognized me, I'm sure you will as I continue to ATTEMPT at some sort of writing, though I must admit poetry is not as "easy" or "matter of fact" for me as with others. Your comments suprised me as I thought it was horrible, but direct.

( Posted by: Queen of the hill [Member] On: July 26, 2003 )

The Masked Scribess
I have my suspicions, but paradoxigaly the person I think you are most likely to be is ther person I think you would least likely be. Odd, isn't it.

As to the poem it isn't horrible it just isn't deep. It is the nakedness of the language, the lack of forced eloquence and the sense of not grasping to sound mystical or "poetical". It is what it is and that is good.

( Posted by: enforced bliss [Member] On: July 26, 2003 )

I am
I am more than likely the person you think I am, though just in case I shall keep it to myself. Please feel free not to comment on my other submits (obviously not yet posted) as I wrote them more out of the need to "get it out" as to be of use or considered anything poetic. Until you figure out without a doubt who I am, I will continue to write, so PLEASE keep your eyes open. Your opinions are of great value to me; your talent is beyond my reach.

( Posted by: Queen of the Hill [Member] On: July 26, 2003 )

30 seconds
Well. There's thirty seconds of my life that I can never get back. Surely you must be joking, right? Purposely writing bad stuff to have a laugh?

If not, sorry if I've offended you. My advice: keep practicing and never give up.

Word.

( Posted by: Boy Howdy [Member] On: September 19, 2003 )

rhyming rocks
I really enjoy the fact that your poems ryme. I like you refrain from writing poetry, but if you continue to write poems like this I see no need why you shouldn't continue to write.
Top-notch!

( Posted by: Bigyellowmonkey [Member] On: September 19, 2003 )

Thanks Boy
Who said peoetry had to be good, and if it brings out a laugh, then where's the problem?

( Posted by: Queen of the Hill [Member] On: September 19, 2003 )

Why thank you
It's nice to hear not everybody hates rhymes! What a vote of confidence!

( Posted by: Queen of the Hill [Member] On: September 19, 2003 )

Its interesting
This wasn't so bad so don't worry - we're all learning! I think its kind of cute to have a misplaced suitor! Not all poems have to be grim and serious - lighter topics bring a smile!

( Posted by: witchy woman [Member] On: September 19, 2003 )

I agree
I agree with you whole heartedly, thanks a lot!

( Posted by: queen of the hill [Member] On: September 21, 2003 )





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