The Winds of Change are Blowing
You must login to vote
My marriage of 30 yrs may be coming to an end, I may lose the house I built 17yrs ago, I'm retiring from the job I've had for over 25 yrs, and I've ended my association with my home church that I grew up in for almost 50yrs!
Here's a brief summary of what happened and when:
Had Lunch w/Pastor, we were talking about how some of the more prominent senior members "little brother" me sometimes. That is to say that they dismiss what I say and my ideas and tease me a bit too much. Some of them won't answer my phone calls or emails. It's frustrating, but nothing i can't live with. These are the 4 things Pastor said to me:
1: if you put a "kick-me" sign on your back don't be surprised when someone kicks you. This was kind of a gut punch. I was looking for more of what to do - what not to do. Then he told me this story about when he was an intern which lead to comment #2.
2: referred to me as a "mentally challenged" kid laying on the floor facedown and complaining when people step on you. This was a kick-in-the-teeth. Then he qualified that statement w/#3.
3: I'm a physcologist, can't "turn it off", I'm allowed to be me. Letting me know that he said that on purpose. He capped the conversation off w/#4.
4: what business of mine is it what you do w/your money (anything)? I felt stupid paying for his lunch!
I left our lunch pretty stunned. I was in shock!
Sunday, in passing, he asked me if I was ready to change my birth order, then he kind of chuckled. I didn't say anything.
This is what i txt him Sunday evening:
Finished processing our last conversation, and no, I will not be changing my birth order. My wife and I will be relocating to a less "kick-friendly" location. We're leaving the church. Dropped the van, and the laptop is in the boared room. Will drop off the credit card later. Thank you for all of your help and advice over the yrs.Good luck, and may the good Lord bless you and all your endeavors. Do you feel the need to meet face-to-face, I don't?
Rev: Well I would think after all these years it would at least merit a conversation. Either way I still consider you my brother and will continue to pray for you and your family.
Me: Ditto. When and where do you have time?
Rev: I'll contact you from the office.
Me: Cool. I'm scheduled till noon everyday for the rest of this wk till Fri.
Rev on Tue: Currently booked straight through only a short time for Lunch. I'll be back in touch should things open up.
Me: Going on my bike ride from noon till 2pm. Try again tomorrow.
Rev on Thu: Does 12:15 today at Fire Mt. Work ?
Me: Maybe I can save us both some time: (about our last conversation)
It was cold, cruel, and scarring. I believe he did it with the intent to do physicogical damage. He's a physcologist! He new what he was saying, and doing. He knew that it would hurt me. Furthermore, I believe he did it because he wants me to leave. He can't bring in his crowd and have them call 'me' Deacon. It was always his intent to remove me, or set me down.
Also, he needs to be careful of building his "Temple of the High and Mighty" because the ends don't justify the means. He's likely to wind up worshiping it, and becoming a lover of himself and not God.
Once I took the knife out of my back and gave the poison time to drain out and filtered it through my "Holy Ghost" filter (Phi 4:8-12), I saw more clearly - If I take away the friend aspect of our relationship then the whole thing is total bullshit! Therefore, my mistake is thinking we're friends.
I know what he said: "Sorry you feel that way"', "You said be blunt! It's not my fault if you can't handle it."
I said be blunt about a different subject, not about everything, and that wasn't blunt, it was brutal, and cruel. If you aren't going to say anything more significant than "Sorry you feel that way", than I'd rather get my workout in and not waste my time. Let's do ourselves a favor and skip the formalities, and go our seperate ways and agree to be cordial when we meet?
He did want to meet, but i really don't. If our initial conversation was a fight someone would've called the police, i was hurt that bad. I figure he just wants to meet in person so he can finish me off. He practices the "Art of fighting w/out fighting. If i ask him why he said those things he'll simply say he didn't say that, he merely told me a story, and i "assumed the role of retarded kid on my own". Meaning that i have that as my mental image of myself. But here's the thing: if he didn't want me to think that then why did he bring it up? I certainly didn't ask him if this reminded him of some retarded kid he knew when he was an intern!
He has a 'no apology' clause. He'll say something like: "I'm sorry you feel that way", or "I'm sorry we've come to this end" but those aren't apologies. If he's not going to 'really' apologize then i don't want to hear it.
Even if our friendship did mean enough to him to apologize i still wouldn't stay. I don't see how i could w/out becoming that retarded kid laying on the floor. I would lose all respect for myself, and when it comes down to it, isn't that all we really have? He beat me up pretty good, don't want him to take that away, too.