The real trick
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I guess I'll start w/last Thur after we left the mtg. She was waiting for me in the car, and the car wouldn't start. I pulled a knee jerk reaction and asked her "did you even go to the meeting?" Of course she went. My car is a used squad car that I picked up a the state auction a couple of yrs ago. It's done this before when we were at the scenic overlook eating ice cream and listening to the radio, but I couldn't help myself.
Fri I let her take my car to work. I've been riding my bike so I still had gas. That took care of Fri, and Sat she was off. I rode my bike to work anyway, because I'm trying to lose some weight (I'm down to 255 lbs.) and it's good rehab for my knee, and besides there wasn't any gas in my car anyway.
After work I rode my bike to the Save Our Sons rally. When I got home She asked me what she was going to do about next wk. I said "I drive the church van, and I'll take you if you're ready when I'm ready to go, that'll take care of Sun." I went up stairs, and I told her "whatever you do, don't borrow money from anybody, I'll just think you're buying pills", and I went up stairs to take a shower.
I wasn't in a real hurry, and I was kind of knocking around and watching TV., I may even have taken a nap. When I went down stairs she was smoking a cigarette. I asked her "I thought you were out?" She said she went to the store(?). I asked where she got the money and she said she borrowed it from a friend(!).
I snapped! "Didn't I just tell you 'not to borrow any money from anyone', and that you'd just make matters worse?
I'm ashamed of my behavior. I admit my language was abusive, and my demeanor was physically abusive. I threw things and smashed a glass. I didn't talk to her the rest of the day and slept in the basement which qualifies as mentally abusive, the trifecta. Immediately the demons started whispering in my ear: 'if she lied about this, hat else did she lie about?' And 'she doesn't respect you, if she did she wouldn't have done it, would she?' Let's not forget 'she's only staying w/you because she can trick you'. Oh yeah, let's not forget this one: 'she's sneaky! She waited till I was up stairs and went behind my back!'
Sun I was still short w/her, one word answers I.e. Yes, no, maybe, and we'll see. After church I went upstairs and watched the game and napped. Mon was more of the same. Tues was the big change. I was getting dressed and I was looking for my shirt. She's still sleeping when I get dressed so I don't usually turn on the lights, but on this morning I did, and there they were, under my chair. Not my shirt, but my glasses! These aren't any ordinary pair of glasses. These are a blended trifocals w/transition lenses w/the ultra light frame, you can barely feel them on your face. I've been looking everywhere for these things, I thought I left them in Cleveland!
Needless to say I was happy to see them. Then I thought 'have they been under the chair all this time?' I tried to think about how long the chair had been there. My wife and my sister brought it up 3yrs ago when I had my knee replaced. I have a microwave, and a small fridge within arms reach of my chair. My wife use to leave me a cup of coffee and a can of soup every morning that I could heat up at my leisure w/out getting out of my chair.
I know what you're thinking, 'didn't anyone clean under there in the last 3yrs?'
Irrelevant, the thing is: she was there for me when I had my knee replaced 3 yrs ago. Not only that, but she was there for the 1st 5 knee operations, and the 2 on my foot, and the appendicitis that almost killed me. And not just me, she was there when my mother had leukemia, and for my sister's heart attack, and the mothers of the church use to tell me how nice it was to see her when they were in the hospital. There was no way she did all that and went half way around the world and back just to trick me now.
After work I drove to church, we were reviewing the by-laws for the 1st time in 50yrs. When I came out my car wouldn't start. The Pastor came out, one of the associate ministers, and the chairman of the Deacon board. They helped me, but the really gave me the business. "Did you leave your lights on?" "What's up w/the bat mobile?" So on and so on. It was late, and I'd been up all day, I hadn't eaten and I worked late. I was in no mood for their shananagans, no matter how good natured it was. On the way home I couldn't help but to reflect on how they had helped me and made me regret it. I couldn't help but realize that I had done the same thing to my wife, or worse.
I got home (and ate) after that I felt better and we talked. I told her why I was mad, and she said what was she suppose to do. I told her "babe" today's the 1st. I got my check today. All you had to do was skip work Mon and you would've been fine. She said I didn't tell her about the check. True, but I've been getting that check on the 1st every month for 25yrs! (Never had to tell her before!), and I'm not suppose to solve her problems. She got us into this by spending money she wasn't suppose to, and it was her responsibility to sacrifice to get us out. We talked things out, attacked the process and not the person and got everything straight.
You'd think that now that I've found my glasses I'd "see things more clearly", but that's the real trick isn't, keeping your head on straight?